What to Do When: a beloved show goes downhill (RIP "Family Guy")

I've always been partial to the Seth MacFarlane universe over the Matt Groening universe. I realize that just saying this will cause people to make all kinds of assumptions about me. So be it. It's something I don't readily admit in public, but I will admit it. The reason I bring this up is because I've run into a bit of a problem - "Family Guy" isn't even a shadow of what it once was. I opened this post with my personal preferences to preempt the obvious retort from non-fans - "It always sucked, moron." This isn't helpful. Right now, I want to talk about a familiar dilemma to TV fans. What do you do when a show you've loved isn't great anymore? It could've succumbed to a steady decline in quality over the years, as many shows organically do, or it could've suddenly and drastically become awful. I could write this post about many different shows I've fallen out of love with. "Brothers and Sisters" or "House" definitely qualified. But the "Family Guy" dilemma bothers me the most and has been on my mind recently, so I'm going to focus primarily on it here.

"Family Guy," for all its criticisms and accusations of plagiarism ("The Simpsons" does not own the nuclear family mold. That's like saying JRR Tolkien owns the wise old man archetype), was a clever show. It could be toilet-bowl crude and hilariously poignant. The "PTV" episode is a classic that comments on modern censorship. The "Road to..." episodes were a pleasant change-up from their formula. The cutaway gags were random, but in all the right ways. The musical numbers set it apart and showed that no matter what character he's playing, Seth MacFarlane can sing. But, like many shows, it declined in quality. I hung on for a long time because, while newer episodes were nothing special, they normally contained at least one joke that made me laugh my head off. The "London Gentlemen's Club" and "Distracting Trumpet" gags were in later episodes and I'm thankful I stuck around for them. And there was, of course, the comfort food quality of spending time with characters I'd enjoyed for so many years.

But these days, I can't even bring myself to tune in for old time's sake. I don't know what went wrong, but the writing is sloppy and the humor is nonexistent. The cutaway gags are now entirely a lazy crutch, the characters are all exaggerated manifestations of their worst qualities, and the 'messages' are self-indulgently preachy. Compare the early episodes with Peter's ultra-religious father with the later episodes about alcoholism or politics. The show relied too heavily on guest voices in later seasons, but stunt casting is nothing new and one of my lesser complaints.One of my bigger complaints it that "Family Guy" blew a huge opportunity when it parodied "Star Wars." Parody isn't even the right word because it was more like a shot-for-shot remake with "Family Guy" characters with an occasional quip here and there.

So why am I complaining so much about a show whose decline has been obvious and a long time coming? Because it brings me to the larger issue at hand - what does a loyal viewer do when a show isn't the same one you loved in previous seasons?

You could...

- Keep on watching and hang on until the bitter end.
If you can still stand it, maybe the comfort food quality is enough to overlook bad writing or acting. However, returning to a show after you drop it and realizing that it's still terrible can cause you to go through the mourning process all over again.

- Watch a show that's by the same people.
This is the solution I went with in this case. This way, you have a better chance of ensuring you'll get the same kind of humor or writing. I started watching "American Dad" this summer and have now seen every episode at least twice. Without the cutaway gags, it's forced to have a plot every week. Also, Roger is my favorite character in the entire MacFarlane universe. He's flexible and layered enough that I don't think he'll fall victim to the same kind of character change that happened to Stewie on "Family Guy." Stewie was rather one-note in the beginning of the series and kept developing to the point where he's actually been several different Stewies throughout the series. Luckily, we still get some musical numbers on "American Dad" to ease the transition. I don't care what anyone else says, Cee-Lo Green as a homicidal, singing hot tub is entertaining.

- Find a show similar to it.
If you can't find a show by the same people and just want a show similar in structure or genre, do that. Watch "The Simpsons," "The Cleveland Show," "South Park," or old "King of the Hills" if you want to stay in the realm of adult animation. If you're abandoning a sci-fi show, find another sci-fi show to fill the void, and so on. Not rocket science.

- Re-watch the show's old episodes.
...until you can't take it any more, that is. The reason I didn't jump ship to "American Dad" sooner is because I kept watching reruns of "Family Guy." Well, after you practically memorize each episode, it's time to move on. But until you get sick of it, re-watching the show from the beginning is as good an option as any. And some shows might never get old. I've been watching the same episodes of "Seinfeld" pretty much my entire life and I still enjoy them. "Will & Grace" has similarly never lost its charm with me.

- Bombard the Internet with your pent-up bitterness.
Like I'm doing now! Honestly, I get really annoyed by people who can't admit that shows they loved are not good anymore. You can admit that it sucks now and it won't diminish the affection you have for the show's earlier seasons. You don't have to swear off the entire show. Beyond just ranting to fellow viewers, commenting about the show's decline on the Internet at least helps raise awareness to the people in charge that the show is suffering and the fans know it and will not stand for it. Unwavering loyalty to a show is pretty crazy when the writers/producers/actors aren't putting in the same commitment and care that the viewer is.

All of my favorite things rolled into one video

I just finished making and posting a music video. Anyone who loves TV, dancing, or the Scissor Sisters will enjoy this video. I tried to include as many shows as I could, but since I tend towards dramas (where characters rarely break into spontaneous dance), I could only include about 25-ish different shows. Also, I didn't want to include shows I don't watch. It's my vid, after all, and I wouldn't know how to hunt down clips for other shows anyway. I just hope other people have as much fun watching it as I did making it.

ABC Wednesday - the many flavors of sitcoms (from awful to awesome)

"The Middle"
Cut above the average sitcom, but still no 'Modern Family'
I caught a few episodes of this at the end of the last season and was mildly amused by it. It's the attempt to make a sitcom about a lower middle class family struggling to make it in the Midwest. I do like the addition that it's set in Indiana (not just because that's where I'm currently located), because it's nice to have a show that isn't set in California, New York, or Texas. Other states do exist, and not just as comedic fodder when someone wants to set a show or movie in "the sticks." Setting it in the Midwest makes is more relatable. However, I wasn't very impressed by their premiere. I thought they had better episodes in their first season. There were a few things I enjoyed, like the metaphor about class level as having an "above-ground pool" life vs. an "in-ground pool" life. The biggest laugh moment for me was when the mother runs after her son's discarded backpack that was put in the dump truck, yelling "Stop, my son's best friend is in there!" I also liked the mother urging the kids to go outside and enjoy the summer, only to find them shooting arrows into their pool where she immediately yells at them to go back inside and watch TV.

I don't think this show is as non-stop hilarious as "Modern Family," but it's good for a chuckle or two. One of the downsides of it, though, is this show makes me never ever want to have children. The parents are stressed and exhausted trying to support three weirdo kids and it's like they were forced to take on this horrible burden and they're just barely getting by. Their daughter is incredibly annoying. I'm sure this is all more relatable if you are a parent with irritating yet endearing children and understand the "reward of parenthood." Also, I hate the overused "precocious child says humorous, worldly things" character, so I'm glad 2/3 of their children aren't like that. My last complaint is even more valid since I live in the Midwest and know how inaccurate this is - TV shows NEVER pay attention to when the sun is out and when it isn't. If your entire family gets up to have breakfast at 6:54 in the morning, the sun is not out and shining like it's noon! Yes, it's a tiny thing, but it annoys me to no end. It would even work in the storyline, if your kids are complaining about getting up early, and they could comment that the sun isn't even up yet so that day hasn't started, so why should they, etc. I guess I would feel differently if I worked on the lighting crew.

"Better With You"
More like 'Better Without You'
I keep having to correct myself - this is not the Kelsey Grammar sitcom "Back to You" and it's not the "Will & Grace" fictional soap "Along Came You." Unfortunately, after viewing the painfully mundane pilot, I'm still unlikely to remember which is which. I had faith that ABC might be able to fill that one last slot with one more quality comedy, but that was clearly asking too much. "Better With You" is exactly like every other standard sitcom in that you have a grating laugh track and obvious set-up/immediate punchline structure that aims for big laughs. I guess it's good someone is laughing, even if it's a fake laugh track. Some of the punchlines were slightly humorous and chuckle-inducing, but the intrusive anonymous boisterous laughter quickly killed any chortles.

This show had that frantic, nervous, mile-a-minute pace that lots of sitcoms have, like there are people offstage with guns ready to shoot any actor who doesn't COMMIT and deliver laughs. Or maybe they're going so fast so they can deliver rapidfire punchlines - when you can't deliver any solid jokes, just deliver multiple quick awful ones and maybe they'll add up to a real laugh! Great lines like "How do I look?" "Not fat!" go by quickly so you don't tend to linger on how painful they really are. You can move on to the next joke about Ben becoming "Uncle Ben." You know, like the rice? Har har har. It seemed like there were a lot of pop-culture jokes too, perhaps in an effort to be topical or relatable. On top of it all, the actors were incredibly bland sitcom people, hardly distinguishable from one another. Except for the fact that the blonde girl's voice sounded remarkably similar to Sarah Chalke's (aka Elliot Reed from "Scrubs.") Anyway, if you love sitcoms with tired jokes and you have a really short attention span, you'll love this show.

"Modern Family"
Back and Better Than Ever The highlight of the night. This show is so smart and perfectly crafted that it just makes you happy. More than just providing a chuckle here and there, it really does resonate (in addition to delivering laugh after laugh). It has heart without becoming saccharine and gets big laughs without hitting you over the head with cheesy punchlines. After watching something like "Better With You" where I felt like I lost brain cells just listening to it, "Modern Family" truly is a breath of fresh air. A recap of the plot would be mundane, so I'm going to just list the best moments.

• Claire telling Phil to get rid of their old car. Claire: "We're not giving it to Hayley. It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back." Phil: "Remember?" (Perfect comic timing here)


• Phil: "You can insult a lot of things about me...but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!"
  
  
• Cam: "Every home-improvement project we've undertaken has been a near-death experience." "If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person."


• Phil's mnemonic devices to remember names. "He looked like that drummer from Foreigner, a foreigner is from France, which rhymes with ants, ants ruin a picnic, which rhymes with - 'hi, Nick!'"


• Claire feeling nostalgic. "Look at them - a minute ago they were babies, and now they're driving, and soon we'll all be dead.


• Jay remembering building bookshelves with Mitchell. "That was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam."


• Luke finding a picture of his Mom at the Rose Bowl parade. "Mom you looked really pretty. So what happened?"..."I mean, what happened in the game?"


• Mitchell saying "in cahoots."


• Sofia Vergara's accent. Other shows would rely solely on that to make her funny, but she's talented as a comedian anyway. But her accent still makes her lines that much funnier.


• The Dunphy family catastrophe in the car. That was so well executed. The chaos of that scene was fantastic, my favorite being Hayley continuously stepping on Phil's seatbelt, choking him. "What's the plan Phil?!" "At least I'm trying to do something!"
  
  
• Manny and his dating. "We like to play Six Degrees of Sir Francis Bacon."


• Phil selling the car in the end, explaining how you sell by leaving out key points. "They don't make them like this anymore...for legal reasons!"


• The bird flying into the princess castle with Mitchell trapped inside. Hilarious reference to last season.
  

"Cougar Town"
The overlooked gem of a relationship sitcom (that refuses to ditch the misleading name)
Seeing the title card come up with "(Still) Cougar Town" was a perfect way to start the episode. Yeah, it's keeping the crummy title, but it's still the same show underneath. If you're lucky enough to get past that, you're rewarded with a great end to the night. I didn't really like the stunt casting of Jennifer Aniston, because it was just to get "Friends" fans in there, but she was alright. I just hate stunt casting that leaves fans of the actor loving it but regular fans of the show wondering why the show is acting out of character. But the rest of the episode was great, and I'll go ahead and list the great moments here too.

• (Still) Cougar Town. That was a great, small way to address the title issue.


• Travis asking the adults about their new game. "How is that a drinking game?" "Because we drink while we do it!"


• "Adios alkies."


• "Graysonship."


• Dan Byrd in general as Travis. They keep talking about him leaving for college but I hope so badly he isn't actually leaving the show. He's amazing here and a great contrast for all the wine-drinking, sexed up adults.


• "Esteves Festeves." "I'm thinking about re-inventing myself in college." There were a few too many 80s references from Travis. Not that many people that age are as obsessed with the 80s as, say, I am, so it's obviously the writers wanting to reference their childhood. It just gets inserted into the show a little awkwardly by having characters make references that are way too old for them. Not that I mind it too much.


• Aniston asking about Jules' boyfriend. "Didn't he try to choke you? I must be confusing him with another patient." Am I crazy, or was that totally a "Grey's Anatomy" reference?


• The movie game. Fantastic.


• Laurie talking to Travis about college. Laurie: "Please tell me by 'all-nighters' you mean partying and not studying." "Can't it be both?"


• He didn't get much time this episode, but I still love Bobby. He could get one line and it would still be hilarious.


• Grayson in the tree. "You're really bald from up here!" to Andy.


• Laurie and Ellie. "Imaginary hat." [mimes tipping a hat] "Imaginary opera gloves. [mimes putting on gloves] What is this, what are we doing?"


• The incense smoke in the later scene with Aniston.


• Big Joe. Why do they even bother pouring the wine into glasses anymore?


• The giant Dog Travis is still a great sight gag.


• Bobby's David Caruso.


• "Al Gore does a powerpoint presentation on Madonna's naked body." "An Inconvenient Truth or Dare!"


• Aniston's anger exercises. "My anger is a puddle and I step out of it."

Songs I'm ashamed to admit I know all the words to (Part 2)

Ready or not, here are some more songs I somehow remember all the words to. This has caused me many moments of angst when I wonder, frustrated, "how can I remember the lyrics to every single Backstreet Boys song but I can't remember the uses for the dative case in Russian? Shouldn't there be an easy way to swap useful info with useless info in the brain?"

1. Time Warp from "Rocky Horror Picture Show" - I thought I'd start off with a simple nerdy one. If you know just one song from "Rocky Horror," it's the Time Warp, if for no other reason than it's played on the radio all Halloween night every year. I know plenty of other songs from this perverted little movie, my favorite probably being "Dammit Janet" or "Sweet Transvestite." But "Time Warp" wins a spot on this list because it's the one I knew first word for word. And every time I hear it, it reminds me of Halloween, my favorite holiday, so it also qualifies as a feel-good song.

My favorite lyric: Let's do the time warp agaaaiiinnn!

2. It's Raining Men by The Weather Girls - here's another feel-good song with such a wonderful and positive message. This is one of those songs you just have to know so you can have fun clapping along, kind of like Hall & Oates' Private Eyes (they're watching you, clap clap!)

My favorite lyric: God bless mother nature/she's a single woman too...she taught every angel to rearrange the sky/so that each and every woman could find the perfect guy

3. In For the Kill by La Roux - this is a band that is wildly more popular on the other side of the pond while only mildly popular here. I was in the UK when this song was at the height of its popularity and heard it way way way too many times. It happens to walk the border between catchy-pleasant and catchy-annoying. When I overheard some girls doing this song at karaoke, I realized it's pretty darn annoying.

My favorite lyric: Ooooooooooooooooo (hey, that's half the song right there!)

4. Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb - I downloaded Love Will Keep us Together because of "Will & Grace." Well, I downloaded Shadow Dancing because of "Gilmore Girls." There's only a brief moment where Lorelai listens to it in her car, but I liked it, got it, and still enjoy it. Tvgirl's confession? I like disco. Would it be cooler if I said I like it ironically? Plenty of people proudly admit they like country music. Live and let live.

My favorite lyric: I can't really decide on just one...the lyrics are pretty generic, but I still love the song.

5. I'll Make a Man Out of You from "Mulan" - Remember the day when your childhood worldview was shattered by reality? Remember when you found out that Santa Claus didn't exist? Remember when you found out that the dashing Captain Li Shang was voiced by Donny Osmond when he was singing?

My favorite lyric: We must be swift as the coursing river/with all the force of a great typhoon/with all the strength of a raging fire/mysterious as the dark side of the moon (who doesn't want a man who is mysterious, like the dark side of the moon? That certainly sounds fancier than tall, dark, and handsome.)

6. Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell - This is another happy Halloween assocation for me. I'm sure plenty of other people know the words, reluctantly, just because of the ubiquitous Halloween radio play. But I bet no one else sings along with it with as much zeal as I do!
My favorite lyric: And I don't feel safe anymore/oh what a mess/I wonder who's watching me now/(WHO?)/The IRS?!

7. Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes - this is one of those songs that should win an award in cheese. Also, an award for most quotable lyrics. I think I love this song for its nonsensical-ness and for the fact that it makes two people cheating on each other into a humorous situation where you half expect them both to throw up their arms and shrug as a sitcom laugh track breaks in.

My favorite lyric: I didn't think about my lady/I know that sounds kind of mean (you think?)

8. Disco Inferno by The Trammps - Yeah, I'm not lying when I say I love disco. This is one of those songs that gets really disturbing if you take it literally. I think they should play it at all building demolitions. And cremations. (This song gets bonus points for getting a mention from an episode of "Doctor Who.")

My favorite lyric: Burn baby burn!

9. Schadenfreude from "Avenue Q" - I know every song from "Avenue Q" by heart, but I feel like knowing Schadenfreude is the most impressive. The song is oh so educational, fun, and brutally honest. It's hard to pick just a few lyrics from this song because I think the entire thing is hilarious, like pretty much every other song in "Avenue Q."

My favorite lyric: Being on an elevator when somebody shouts "hold the door!"/NO!/Schadenfreude/Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for...Watching actors never reach/the ending of their Oscar speech!

10. The entire "Scrubs" musical, specifically The Rant Song and Everything Comes Down to Poo - Once again, I know every song in this production by heart. It's less impressive considering it adds up to about 15 minutes of music, but I think it's still random and slightly embarrassing to admit. Guy Love gets all the attention, and it's great, but Everything Comes Down to Poo is funnier in my opinion and The Rant Song is more impressive linguistically.

My favorite lyric: All across the nation/we trust in defecation...our number one test is your number two! (Everything Comes Down to Poo)...It's your hair, your nose, your chinless face, you always need a hug/not to mention all the manly Appletinis that you chug/that you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex/and oh my god stop telling me when you have nerdy sex! (The Rant Song)

11. El Dorado from "The Road to El Dorado" - I've certainly seen this movie enough times to have the music memorized by now. Like all great kids movies, it has a famous singer doing the soundtrack. In this case, Elton John. The wonders of the new world and the difficulties of being a god seem much more impressive when Elton John is there to tell us in song. Okay, he didn't sing that second one, but he does do the fantastic traveling tune The Trail We Blaze. (What trail? The trail that we blaze!....THAT trail that we blaze!) If I ever go on a road trip, The Trail We Blaze should be the first song I listen to. But on the topic of El Dorado, any rabid fan needs to know this one so you can sing along with the opening cartoon narration.

My favorite lyric: And made El Dorado/the mag-ni-fi-cent!
12. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life from "Monty Python's Life of Brian" and "Spamalot" - I think anyone who is alive should be required to know this song by heart. Like Billy Joel's Piano Man, everyone should know this just so they can belt it out when the situation calls for it. Bonus points to you if you can actually whistle along too.

My favorite lyric: Always look on the bright side of death/just before you draw your terminal breath/life's a piece of shit/when you look at it/life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true

13. "Bill Nye the Science Guy" theme song - And back to my 90s past with this one. Back in my day we didn't learn science from stuffy old teachers, we learned science from none other than Bill Nye, a science guy. These days, you kids with your rock music and hip hopping have nothing to compare to that. You don't have anywhere to get your real science education from! You know, except "Mythbusters." (I'll admit, this isn't quite a song, and doesn't have much in the way of lyrics, but just the fact that I know how it goes still is the crazy part).

My favorite lyric: Inertia is a property of matter (Who knows if I would have graduated high school without knowing that vital fact!)

14. Be a Star from "Life-size" - Ah, what a simpler time. Lindsay Lohan was still an adorable child actor and Tyra Banks was just breaking into television. This movie had a peppy little theme song that is still stuck in the recesses of my brain.

My favorite lyric: The lyrics are too insipid and repetetive to select favorites. It was a Disney jingle after all.

15. "Tiny Toons" theme song - I don't remember the plot of any episodes, and I don't remember why I liked this show since I never liked the original Looney Tunes that much, outside of "Space Jam." But I remember the theme song. There are plenty of random Disney and cartoon songs I remember because they were ingrained in my psyche as a child, but I think "Tiny Toons" is the most random of them all. Okay, maybe the intro to Disney's Sing Along Songs videos with the owl and birds in the classroom is more random, but I don't know if anyone else besides me really remembers that at all.

My favorite lyric: We're comic dispensers/we crack up all the censors
16. "Powerpuff Girls" theme song - ah, the mystery of Chemical X. This is one of those cartoons where you wonder what the creators were smoking when they came up with the concept. Just look at the villains! Mojo Jojo? Gangrene Gang? Him?! After the Red Guy from "Cow & Chicken," Him is the most terrifying, ambiguous, bizarre, crimson villain in cartoon history. And it just dawned on me - why was Professor Utonium trying to create the "perfect little girl"? I need to stop thinking about this before my nostalgia turns sour.

My favorite lyric: Also, on second thought, this isn't really a theme song with words either since the only words are during the narration before the music...wait, the theme has words in the ending credits! I know those!

17. "Doug" musical moments (from the Beets to Bangin' on a Trash Can) - Okay, I'll make up for playing fast and loose with my own rules and include some songs that are actual songs. Like I Need More Allowance and Killer Tofu by "Doug" universe band The Beets. I love that "Doug" actually bothered to write and record actual snippets of songs for their fictional band. I think it's one of the reasons I give "Spongebob Squarepants" so much credit - it's similar to many great cartoons of my day that included musical numbers.

My favorite lyric: I need more allowance/yodelayeehoo/why? Because I do!
18. "Arthur" theme song - this is going even further back in my childhood, but "Arthur" is a classic. I even remember everything leading up to the theme song, including PBS thanking Viewers Like You who make the channel possible and the Juicy Juice ad about 100% juice for 100% kids. 100% kids? How's that for phoning in your ad campaign? Apparently the theme's official name is Believe In Yourself, naturally. And it's reggae. I also remember the Jekyll and Hyde number Brain sang in the "Arthur" musical/literary episode which also included an inspiring ditty about getting a library card.

My favorite lyric: And I say hey (hey!)/what a wonderful kind of day

19. I Wish Every Day Could Be Christmas from "The Fairly Oddparents" - I still like listening to this song in the winter. I like to find the episode itself when I can, just so I can hear Timmy's dad go nuts over eggnog again and again. Crazy, obsessive dads in cartoons are fun. That's why "The Muffin King" will always be the greatest episode of "Dexter's Laboratory." I think this song perfectly captures the feeling of a kid on Christmas and how you wish it would never end.

My favorite lyric: New Year's Eve's for mom and dad/the Easter Bunny eggs smell really bad!/Valentine's Day always makes me sad/(Cause Timmy just can't get a girlfriend!)
20. Every song from "Moulin Rouge" - At first glance, this might not seem so odd. Most music in this film was a cover of some other famous song. But for some reason, since I was younger at the time I saw it, I didn't really know all those songs too well yet and I now associate them with the movie instead of the original artist. The song Roxanne doesn't make me think of The Police, it makes me think of El Tango de Roxanne, and so on. I am a little ashamed to admit that when I hear Like a Virgin, the first thing it makes me think of is definitely not Madonna.

My favorite lyric: Rather than mention lyrics, I have to say the Elephant Love Medley is my favorite example of combining popular music into one epic love song.

21. Way too many Backstreet Boys songs - Being a child of the 90s, one of the biggest questions of my childhood wasn't "Team Edward or Team Jacob" (thank god!) but Backstreet Boys or N*Sync. I was a Backstreet Boys girl all the way and didn't come around to N*Sync until, say, about a year ago. It was a little disturbing when I was uploading all my old CDs onto my computer a few years ago and, when coming across the album "Millennium," I realized I remembered the entire song list, in order, word-for-word. That was more like nostalgia resurfacing and hitting me in the face. But I don't care what anyone says, I Want It That Way is one of the greatest songs of all time.

My favorite lyric: All the "tell me why"s. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the key to making a hit song is making it really easy to sing along to.

Songs I'm ashamed to admit I know all the words to (Part 1)

I love Spongebob Squarepants. The cartoon started at a time where I was still just barely young enough to watch cartoons and it began in 1999, so I classify it as the last great cartoon of the 90s Nick era. I was a child of the 90s, and all you have to do is look at the Children of the 90s blog to see how strong our nostalgia is for the time period. One post I've always hoped they would do is a list about 90s songs you're ashamed to say you know by heart still - even the ones you haven't actually heard since the 90s. This is why I bring up Spongebob. I know that he lives in a pineapple under the sea, et ceterea, et cetera, but Spongebob still airs so I'm not that ashamed to admit I know the theme song by heart. Honestly, that's not that big a feat, tons of people probably know the theme song. (But how many people know the FUN song, which is my favorite Spongebob musical number?) But that got me to thinking of all the songs I still know the words to that I really should have forgotten by now or should not know in the first place. Most of them come from my childhood, but plenty others are current or come from before I was born so I don't really have a good excuse there. But in celebration of summer randomness and openness, I decided to make a list of songs that I am ashamed to say that I know all the words to. They are in no particular order, although you can judge for yourself how embarassing each one is. (Note: I'm just guessing where lyric cut-off lines are. I'll fact check only to a certain point. So if you're a music snob or something, be warned).

1. The FCC Song from "Family Guy" - I figured I'd start with an obvious one. I'm tvgirl, of course I know the FCC song. "PTV" is one of the best episodes of "Family Guy" ever and they're at their best when they go musical. I also know the words to Road to Rhode Island, Awfully Different, The AIDS and Vascectomy songs, My Drunken Irish Dad, You've Got a Lot To See, and plenty others. But my favorite is the FCC song.
My favorite lyric: So they sent this little warning/they're prepared to do their worst/and they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be coerced/I can think of quite another place they should've stuck it first
2. Summer Girls by LFO - this wins my award for most random song ever written. Good thing I had this song to school me on important things like the fact that New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, peaches come from Georgia, and that Billly Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets.
My favorite lyric: Call you up but what's the use/I like Kevin Bacon but I hate "Footloose"

3. The "Reading Rainbow" theme song - that great theme song. LeVar Burton. VHS tapes. PBS. Children's books. "Reading Rainbow" was a childhood staple and one of many great educational programs on public television. But you don't have to take my word for it!

My favorite lyric: I can be anything/take a look/it's in a book/of Reading Rainbow!
4. See You Again by Miley Cyrus - time for a more recent yet more embarassing one. I didn't say I necessarily liked all these songs, but I'll be honest and say this is the only Miley Cyrus song I couldn't resist.

My favorite lyric: OoOHooOHoh I/ I can't wait/to see you again

5. The Pokemon theme song - and back to my childhood. This one I'm not ashamed to admit and the theme song had a great 80s wanna-be-tough feel to it. I loved Pokemon back in the day, which probably stemmed from my love of anime as a kid. Yes, I was one of those people. But don't worry, I grew out of it. Mostly. (I'll never say anything bad about "Dragonball Z" or "Yu Yu Hakusho.") I'll also confess something even worse: I can still say the entire Pokemon rap song.
My favorite lyric: I want to be the very best/like no one ever was/to catch them is my real test/to train them is my cause!

6. Let's Hear it for the Boy by Deniece Williams - speaking of the 80s..."Footloose!" "Footloose" had a great soundtrack that is a perfect slice of 80s awesomeness. Also, Matt Damon sings some of it on an episode of "Will & Grace." Need I say more?

My favorite lyric: Maybe he's no Romeo/but he's my lovin' one-man show/oohooohoohooh!

7. Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega - and on to the 90s again! Lots of the cheese of the 80s persisted into cheesy albeit feel-good 90s songs. All Mambo No. 5 was missing was an awkward group dance. Okay, the lyrics include directions, but I don't recall it sweeping the nation like the Macarena or something.

My favorite lyric: Do all the "aaah!"s and "Mambo number five!"s and "the trumpet!"s count?

8. One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head - I know I'm a little crazy since I love 80s music, but some of the songs are so wacky and bizarre that I enjoy hearing something a lot different than Top 40. Granted, this song was originally from the musical "Chess" (don't know it? Don't blame ya), but it became a chart topper out in the real world. In my world, I just thought this song was amazing and I knew I had to learn all the lyrics. Mission accomplished. There's nothing quite like a song that says "Exotic locales? Danger? Wild sex? Nah, let's have a real party and play some chess!"

My favorite lyric: You're talkin' to a tourist whose every move's among the purest/I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

9. Super Nova Girl from "Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century" - this was a Disney channel staple back in my day, and like many good kid movies, it ended with a big music number. Because, as we all know, all young teens worship a band, want to be in a band, or do both. There were lots of fun words in this song that I didn't really understand, but sounded very science-y and future-y.

My favorite lyric: Zoom zoom zoom/make by heart go boom boom (of course!)
10. What Dreams Are Made Of from "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" - yeah, while we're on the subject, I'll add the other movie that proves I was pretty damn girly at one point. What makes this even better is that I saw this movie on TV the other day and just had to watch it. That was the moment I realized I still knew the big song at the end, where Lizzie gets to be a mega pop singer for a little bit and show the world the star inside her. What else could a girl want?

My favorite lyric: Then I see you smile and I go oh oh oh (Can you tell I love the parts where you can sing along annoyingly?)

11. Cinderella by the Cheetah Girls from "The Cheetah Girls" movie - might as well go on to another girly Disney movie. Once again, the dream of a young girl is to be in a band. I liked "The Cheetah Girls" because it had a lot of music in it. I grew up with kids movies that were normally part musicals, so I liked the random moments of bursting into song. I like to say that the reason I watched this movie so many times was so I could figure out what each girl's name was. Aquanette, Dorinda, Galleria, and Chanel? Seriously? I also know the words to Together We Can, Girl Power and, of course, the Cheetah girls song at the end of the movie. Cinderella was my favorite though - it was the perfect mix of Disney girl power and pop.

My favorite lyric: I can slay my own dragons/I can dream my own dreams/My knight in shining armor is me/so I'm gonna set me free

12. Piano Man by Billy Joel - Something a little more grown up, I hope. I do love me some Billy Joel. My favorite is Only the Good Die Young and of course I know all the words to that, but Piano Man is longer and more pensive. This is the kind of song you really get into, swelling up into the emotional "he said SON will you PLAY me a MEMORY!" And then sit back and hum along to "la da di dee daa" as you make love to your tonic and gin. This is one of those songs I guess I'm not so ashamed to know as I think everyone should know this one and be able to belt it out at a moment's notice.

My favorite lyric: And he's talking with Davy/who's still in the Navy/and probably will be for life...Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness

13. "Firefly" theme song - This one goes into the ashamed pile because it exposes me as a Browncoat. Okay, I wouldn't be ashamed, "Firefly" is amazing, but I'm afraid to mention it because I'm afraid to be mistaken for a Whedonite. Long story for another blog post, but "Buffy" hasn't struck me in the way "Firefly" did. Once again, the show gets major points for actually having a theme song. More points for having a theme with actual words, not just an instrumental riff. This theme captures the tone of the show perfectly. It makes me sad sometimes that we live in a world where "One Tree Hill" gets more seasons than "Firefly." I've watched a lot of genius, short-lived shows in my day, but "Firefly" is the most painful cancellation yet. You might think all the posthumous hype would be impossible to live up to, but this is one case where fans really aren't exaggerating the quality level.

My favorite lyric: Take me out to the black/tell them I ain't coming back/burn the land and boil the sea/you can't take the sky from me
14. The Saga Begins by Weird Al - Growing up with a brother, it was almost impossible to avoid liking Weird Al. Plenty of his music stays with me even now, but this is the only one I still remember all the words to. I knew this song before the original song it was based on, American Pie, so when I hear American Pie I automatically launch into "my my this here Anakin guy." I had this problem with many other songs used in "Moulin Rouge;" since I was young at the time, I remember songs as being part of a "Moulin Rouge" medly before I remember them as original songs from years before the movie. But I still like Weird Al's version of the song better.

My favorite lyric: But their response didn't thrill us/they locked the doors and tried to kill us

15. I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly - Another childhood memory. "Space Jam" is often overlooked in lists of 90s kid movies, but I remember particularly loving it. Don't know why, I'm not really into basketball. Or the Looney Tunes. Maybe it was because the movie taught me the power of believing in myself. Or because Wayne Knight a.k.a Newman was in it. Both are strong selling points.

My favorite lyric: I see me running through that open door (I really hope this symbolizes opportunity instead of Heaven, which is what I thought when I was a kid. Hey, the song had a real gospel feel to it!)

16. Cell Block Tango from "Chicago" - I know all the songs in "Chicago" by heart, but it's a tad embarassing to admit that my favorite isn't the famous All That Jazz or I Move On, but the saucy Cell Block Tango. Also, even in quick voiceover moments, Taye Diggs is still sexy.

My favorite lyric: So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots/into his head....He saw himself as alive/and I saw him dead (Brings a whole new meaning to "female empowerment," huh?)

17. Tradition from "Fiddler on the Roof" - Speaking of musicals, another one I can quote in its entirety - songs and everything else. I feel like being able to recite all of Tradition at the drop of a hat is a bigger skill considering a lot of it is dialogue. Singing along with Tevye to If I Were a Rich Man or To Life is fun, but getting Tradition down takes some nerdy dedication.

My favorite lyric: You may ask "how did this tradition get started?"/I'll tell you/I don't know/but it's a tradition!

18. It Wasn't Me by Shaggy - this goes under the category of Why on Earth do I Know this Song? Probably because it's catchy as all get-out and it was on the radio enough for the lyrics to infiltrate my mind and never leave. It's kind of annoying when a song about a lying cheating douchebag is catchy and made for singing along. It also had that incomprehensible interlude by that Jamaican dude. Oh, I guess that doesn't count then for "knowing all the words," but really, who does know what that guy is saying? Also, this song gets filed under another category of Songs that Sound Like they're Sung By Women. Sorry, Shaggy, but if you weren't singing about your girl catching you, I'd have assumed you were a girl.

My favorite lyric: My girl just caught me/you let her catch you?/...I don't know what to do/say it wasn't you/alright!

19. La Tortura by Shakira - I don't know Spanish. There might be some stuck over from high school wafting around my head, but I probably don't know enough to form a coherent sentence at this point. So the fact that I know every word to this lesser known Shakira song that is entirely in Spanish is completely bizarre. Even more embarassing - I may know the words to sing along, but I don't know what most of them mean. This is normally the part where someone tells me the translated words are unspeakably filthy.

My favorite lyric: I'm afraid to even bother.

20. Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) by Cobra Starship - I finally got around to seeing "Snakes on a Plane" on TV and was glad I never spent money on it, not that I would have anyway. All you have to do is watch Samuel L Jackson's famous clip and you've seen the movie. But one good thing came out of it - an awesome song. If only the lyrics were more generic and weren't so related to the movie, it might have had better life on its own.

My favorite lyric: Pop the cheap champagne/we're going down in flames, hey!

21. Love Will Keep Us Together by the Captain and Tennille - Blame this on "Will & Grace." Will and Grace sing it together when they have their old-fashioned piano party, and I thought it was so cute I downloaded the song. A million plays later, I still love this sweet 70s song. I didn't exist in the 70s, but even I know I should be ashamed that I'm a fan of a Captain and Tennille number.

My favorite lyric: Young and beautiful/someday your looks will be gone/when the others turn you off/who'll be turnin' you on?/I will, I will, I will

Stay tuned for part 2 where I'll embarass myself some more...

My Top 10: Unfairly Hated TV Characters

One of the unfortunate products of the Internet is the fact that people are allowed to spew all sorts of hate in comfortable anonymity. Now, I take TV kind of seriously but I also realize it's all fiction intended for our entertainment. Other people, however, take things very seriously and apparently get very worked up over certain plotlines or characters. I've noticed that a lot of characters that get chastised for being annoying are often very realistically written and perhaps people just don't want to spend time with fictional people who whine and complain just as much as real people do. I also love the irony of people complaining about characters who complain too much. Some of the hate heaped on certain characters is, in my opinion, unwarranted. And when I say hate, I don't mean so-bad-it's-good, love-to-hate hate. I mean hate-to-hate, revulsion, cancel-this-monstrosity-now-it's-burning-my-eyes-out hate. So I made a list, in increasing order of unfair hatred, to defend some of them. The standard caveat applies: I can only cover shows that I'm familiar with. I'm sure there are plenty more unfairly reviled characters, so feel free to comment away with other suggestions.

10. Susan Meyer (Teri Hatcher) from
"Desperate Housewives"

There's a LOT of hate for this character, even more than the hate for everyone else on this show. I think most of it stems from a general hatred out there towards Teri Hatcher for some reason. I'd like to clarify that I don't even like Susan Meyer - in fact, she irritates me quite a bit when her neurotic side takes over (which is, let's face it, often). But I also find her neurotic disposition and gossipy lifestyle to be painfully realistic sometimes. These qualities are exaggerated for comic effect, but I think there are plenty of people in the real world who are just as annoying. People get really nasty about this character because of lots of reasons that combine into one giant force of annoying. Lots of people hate Teri Hatcher. Lots of people love to hate "Desperate Housewives," since it's cool to bash it and try to make yourself look smart and superior. Lots of people hate Susan because she's silly, clumsy, and immature. Some complaints on this subject are warranted, but it shouldn't take the nasty form it often does.

9. Luke Danes (Scott Patterson) from
"Gilmore Girls"

I put this one low on the list because it's a rather dated reference by now. Luke is a good example of character assassination because the writers demanded it but didn't bother to make it realistic at all. After Luke and Lorelai finally got together, the writers decided they needed obstacles, so they threw in Luke's long-lost daughter April, a lispy precocious young teen who drove a wedge between the couple. As that season progressed, Luke became more and more distant as he kept Lorelai and April apart for no reason whatsoever leading Lorelai to eventually explode and run into her ex's arms. While I hated Luke during the season or two he became even more crotchety than normal, I think the hatred by a lot of fans was unfair. His change in personality was out-of-character and completely contrived. It was the kind of personality change where it takes you out of the show to the point where you can hear the writers pondering "hmmm....should we bother giving them an organic conflict that leads to a satisfying resolution and deepens their relationship? Nah, let's just make Luke act like an ass so we can have fun with Christopher again! We already know Luke and Lorelai will end up together at the end of the series, so let's not bother worrying about things like consistent characterization."

8. Mohinder Suresh (Sendhil Ramamurthy) from
"Heroes"
People really started to hate Mohinder. I might be a little biased in my opinion since I had a major crush on him and I stopped watching the show for a while when he finally got more storyline, but I still think he was unfairly reviled. To lots of people, he came off as preachy and ineffective. But he was one of the only people on the show with no powers, the cast of the show was huge and he wasn't given enough screen-time to flesh out his character, and the brief arc where he was pals with Sylar (when he didn't know it was Sylar) certainly didn't do him any favors. Now, I missed the storyline of him getting his own powers somehow, so maybe it was awful and he deserved the hatred for that, but a lot of the hate was spewed before that season and I just felt really bad for him.

7. Grace Adler (Debra Messing) from
"Will & Grace"
Grace is the type of character you either like and enjoy or find grating and dislike. She's the standard neurotic, flustered female you get on a sitcom. This definitely falls under the category of "if you loathe the main character, why are you watching this show?" "Will & Grace" is a sitcom - you're pretty much ensured this kind of character. I feel like the kind of people who go around talking about how much they hate a character like Grace are the kind of people who feel like they have some sort of obligation to humanity to convince everyone that the show sucks as much as they think it does, even though every person is completely free to watch or not watch depending on how they feel on the subject.

6. Jack McFarland (Sean Hayes) from
"Will & Grace"

Once again, you know what you're getting into with a sitcom - wacky characters. I'm in the camp of people who love Jack. But I can understand where some people are coming from in hating him. He's played as a stereotype and a lot of the humor on "Will & Grace" comes from stereotyping. But once again, it's a sitcom. Almost every sitcom has some sort of stereotypical character. I don't see people up in arms over "Glee" reinforcing stereotypes of drama queens and gay characters, yet I know "Will & Grace" received plenty of criticism for this. The way I see it, it was a groundbreaking sitcom still held back by a time period of considerable homophobia. And while the characters were often stereotypes, they were also endearing, funny, heartwarming, and compassionate friends. Jack may have been a stereotype, but he was not a negative character by any means.

5. Violet Turner (Amy Brenneman) from
"Private Practice"

Violet shares a lot in common with Meredith Grey in that they're both characters with dark pasts who are not immediately likeable to the unforgiving viewer. I was surprised how many people hoped Violet would be the one to get killed off in the season finale since I don't think she's that insufferable. She went through a major traumatic experience! Some mourning time and recovery is warranted here. Her romantic entanglements I can take or leave, but I actually enjoyed her storyline when it involved her trauma and the custody battle over Lucas. I was especially glad that, instead of getting nasty and staying there, the Oceanside group got nasty for a while, then felt bad and rose above it. Violet dealt with her situation in a mature manner - she understood she had to get better before she could be entrusted with Lucas, yet she demanded her rights as a mother. I think most people on the outside of the show find everyone in the cast insufferable, but the people who can stand the show and enjoy it on a certain soapy level have no reason to hate Violet in particular, in my humble opinion.

4. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) from
"Grey's Anatomy"

This is just a character that lots of people don't like. But since she's the star of the show, complaints about Meredith often lead me to wonder once again, "then why are you watching the show?" Many people hate the voiceover device. I like it when used well but I don't mind it so much to the point of hatred even if it's vague and adds nothing to the show. Physically, Ellen Pompeo isn't a stunner and I do have a hard time imagining guys fighting over her. She's like primetime TV's version of Bella Swan (although that may be a bit too harsh. Okay, extremely harsh). And personality-wise, she isn't the most fun either. But I find her to be a realistic character in the way her dark and twisty-ness comes out. She complains about legitimate things most of the time - like her issues with her mother's affair, her father's abandonment, and all sorts of other family trauma. She's not the most immediately likeable character, but I think there's something human about her in that, once you get to know her, her eccentricities make sense and her dark attitude becomes justified. Also, I give "Grey's Anatomy" and Meredith major points for allowing the character to change and evolve over the years. Meredith isn't still doing the same dark and twisty routine she did in early seasons. She's married, she's matured, and dealt with many of her childhood traumas. She's got a good relationship with Lexie and her marriage to Derek is surprisingly - dare I say it? - healthy.

3. Daniel Shaw (Brandon Routh) from
"Chuck"

This one might be pretty controversial for "Chuck" fans. I was by no means a fan of Shaw, but I think this is another case of The Powers That Be influencing the narrative negatively. I could understand just not liking him - Brandon Routh is like handsome cardboard. And I could understand not liking him for coming between Sarah and Chuck. And maybe it's my own opinion, but I never felt like Shaw was that big a threat. Romantically with Sarah, he never had the same charm and magnetism that Bryce Larkin did. I knew that he was thrown in to give Chuck and Sarah another obstacle, I knew that Sarah was afraid of getting involved with Chuck and afraid of what Chuck was becoming so she might find solace in fellow spy Shaw, and I knew that Chuck and Sarah would end up together anyway. So yes, I understand he wasn't a likeable character, but I think people went way overboard with how much they despised him. I think this backlash was more from the Shipper fans, who couldn't stand to see anyone come between Chuck and Sarah. (Oh, and to note: this was my attitude before he became the finale villain and killed Chuck and Ellie's father. Then we were supposed to loathe him. I'm talking about the period before, when we were supposed to accept him as a team member. Later, I loved-to-hate him since he gave us some epic Chuck vs. Shaw action).

2. Martha Jones (Freema Agyeman) from
"Doctor Who"

Poor Freema had a very tough position. She had to follow the beloved Rose Tyler played by Billie Piper. She was also saddled with a forced crush on the Doctor that was, of course, not going to end well. In retrospect, she gets an even worse rap since people adored Donna Noble as played by Brit comedian Catherine Tate. One of the biggest disadvantages Freema had was being an unknown. While unknown to us US viewers, both Billie Piper and Catherine Tate were already famous before being cast as companions and therefore already had solid fan bases. Freema didn't get this luxury and ended up with an uphill battle to win fan support. I personally think Donna is as overrated as it gets. People loved her habit of "knocking the Doctor off his high horse, calling him on his mistakes, and generally keeping him grounded." I hated her habit of being an annoying bitch most of the time. (She had her highlights though. I actually really loved her in "Partners in Crime" and "Turn Left.") Martha was smart, driven, and an asset to the Doctor. It was about time to have a companion who wasn't a doe-eyed worshipper of the Doctor, but Martha wasn't the fluttery preteen-like fangirl that many "Doctor Who" fans make her out to be. If nothing else, I think she should get major points for being gorgeous. Not to be entirely shallow, but she did have redeeming qualities on a purely physical level! (And now that I sound like a lesbian creeper....on to number one!)

1. Rita Bennett/Morgan (Julie Benz) from
"Dexter"

The inspiration for this list. It's a little late coming since most of the hatred was released in the wake of her death as people everywhere declared "good riddance." Me, I could never understand why people hated or even just didn't like her. I loved her with Dexter and loved seeing how he became a better person when he was with her. Most, if not all, of the complaints came from Rita's purported "nagging" of Dexter. Apparently people think a wife should be perfectly fine with her husband being gone at all hours of the night or gone on secret trips, even if he's had a history of leaving you for another woman amidst a heroin addiction. What a pain in the ass, a woman wanting to know where the man she loves is! What a nagging bitch, asking you to commit to your family! I wasn't thrilled when she got killed off and hope her character gets a proper send-off on-screen, since many "Dexter" fans celebrated her off-ing. Rest in peace, Rita.