Why did Disney think "John Carter" would be a hit?

You've probably read by now that "John Carter" is a box office bomb. It's been all over that Disney will lose $200 million dollars because of it. Normally, a movie like this would come and go after making a modest amount, but the fact that it cost so much to make means that all conversations about the movie will be about it's box office performance, not it's quality. I have to ask, though - why did Disney spend so much money on this movie? They must have thought it was a safe bet. But why?

"John Carter" is based on a series by Edgar Rice Burroughs, the writer who also created Tarzan. He introduces the character of John Carter in the "Barsoom" series, which began in 1912. It is very old-fashioned science fiction in that it romanticizes the previously mysterious and captivating planet of Mars. The movie tells the story of Carter, a Civil War veteran, who gets transported to Mars and tangled up in the conflicts of the planet's inhabitants.

The movie currently stands at a 51% on Rotten Tomatoes, with a painful 34% among Top Critics. The summary of critical opinion is that "while John Carter looks terrific and delivers its share of pulpy thrills, it also suffers from uneven pacing and occasionally incomprehensible plotting and characterization." Audiences weren't wowed by it either since it wasn't the smash anticipated. It's worth noting that sometimes movies do very well but are considered flops because they are being measured against the cost in making it. "John Carter," however, only made about $62 million stateside, which is not impressive at all. To give you some context for comparison, "21 Jump Street" has already made $71 million domestic, and even "Act of Valor" made $66 million domestic. "Safe House," which also received a 54% from Rotten Tomatoes, earned $122 million domestic.

So here lie the two big questions - why did Disney put so much faith in "John Carter" and why did it fail? First, let's address why Disney invested so much into it. Large-scale, sci-fi/action adventure movies can be very lucrative if they strike a chord with the viewing public. If you can build off of nostalgia for an established series of novels, even better. In the era of "Avatar," studios are willing to shell out the big bucks for movies with stellar visuals. Additionally, the Disney name still carries some weight when put before a film title. But in the end, "John Carter" didn't perform.

Like many people, I have a few opinions about why this is. First, there were no big names to draw in the crowds. If you know who Taylor Kitsch is at all, you probably know him as that guy who was on "Friday Night Lights." You know, that critically acclaimed show that no one watched. Between Sam Worthington, Channing Tatum, and now Taylor Kitsch, there seems to be a sale on bland hunks in Hollywood for leading roles. The rest of the cast is equally obscure, with the exception of Willem Dafoe. Although looking at the cast list, it's a veritable who's who of "that guys." It's filled with people who you probably recognize, but would never be able to identify by name. "Avatar" was led by two semi-nobodies, but you had the pedigree of James Cameron behind the picture. "John Carter" was directed by Andrew Stanton, an established Pixar director making his live-action debut here. "Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" was the live-action debut of another Pixar man, Brad Bird. One of these men hit it big in live-action, and it ain't Stanton. Also, never underestimate the importance of good writing. Even if a movie looks amazing, if the story lacks any impact, its chances for success are slimmer.

A minor point I'd like to mention is the presence of the word "Disney" in the marketing campaign. The movie is PG-13, but the Disney label might keep some folks away. Disney is still associated with children's entertainment. My youth was the time of the Disney Renaissance, filled with brilliant children's movies, but they were still aimed at the younger crowd. If all you know about "John Carter" is that it's that Disney movie set on Mars, you're probably not going to be dying to see it, in my opinion. That's just not enough for true mass appeal. On this topic, I think the story itself isn't a big draw. The concept of "the mysterious Red planet" is very old-fashioned. Mars once set the literary world ablaze as writers' imaginations overflowed with possibilities for intelligent life in space. But it's 2012, and while Mars fiction will always be around, it doesn't have quite the same appeal as it did in the early 1900s when John Carter first set foot there in Burrough's novels. The concept just felt painfully antiquated. And if you don't have big stars or a well-known director/writer or a premise intriguing to the mainstream, maybe you can at least draw in the fans of the source material. To be perfectly honest, I had never heard of the John Carter novels before this movie came out. I'm positive there are many people like me who saw previews for this movie, a Disney sci-fi epic with a (still largely) unknown lead with a title like "John Carter," and barely registered it.

Whether it's due to all of my reasons or none of them, "John Carter" bombed big time. A sequel was planned, but it's not clear if that's going to happen or not. Despite plenty of source material to draw from, it's unlikely Disney will sink more money into this franchise.

Songs I'm ashamed to admit I know all the words to (Part 1)

I love Spongebob Squarepants. The cartoon started at a time where I was still just barely young enough to watch cartoons and it began in 1999, so I classify it as the last great cartoon of the 90s Nick era. I was a child of the 90s, and all you have to do is look at the Children of the 90s blog to see how strong our nostalgia is for the time period. One post I've always hoped they would do is a list about 90s songs you're ashamed to say you know by heart still - even the ones you haven't actually heard since the 90s. This is why I bring up Spongebob. I know that he lives in a pineapple under the sea, et ceterea, et cetera, but Spongebob still airs so I'm not that ashamed to admit I know the theme song by heart. Honestly, that's not that big a feat, tons of people probably know the theme song. (But how many people know the FUN song, which is my favorite Spongebob musical number?) But that got me to thinking of all the songs I still know the words to that I really should have forgotten by now or should not know in the first place. Most of them come from my childhood, but plenty others are current or come from before I was born so I don't really have a good excuse there. But in celebration of summer randomness and openness, I decided to make a list of songs that I am ashamed to say that I know all the words to. They are in no particular order, although you can judge for yourself how embarassing each one is. (Note: I'm just guessing where lyric cut-off lines are. I'll fact check only to a certain point. So if you're a music snob or something, be warned).

1. The FCC Song from "Family Guy" - I figured I'd start with an obvious one. I'm tvgirl, of course I know the FCC song. "PTV" is one of the best episodes of "Family Guy" ever and they're at their best when they go musical. I also know the words to Road to Rhode Island, Awfully Different, The AIDS and Vascectomy songs, My Drunken Irish Dad, You've Got a Lot To See, and plenty others. But my favorite is the FCC song.
My favorite lyric: So they sent this little warning/they're prepared to do their worst/and they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be coerced/I can think of quite another place they should've stuck it first
2. Summer Girls by LFO - this wins my award for most random song ever written. Good thing I had this song to school me on important things like the fact that New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, peaches come from Georgia, and that Billly Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets.
My favorite lyric: Call you up but what's the use/I like Kevin Bacon but I hate "Footloose"

3. The "Reading Rainbow" theme song - that great theme song. LeVar Burton. VHS tapes. PBS. Children's books. "Reading Rainbow" was a childhood staple and one of many great educational programs on public television. But you don't have to take my word for it!

My favorite lyric: I can be anything/take a look/it's in a book/of Reading Rainbow!
4. See You Again by Miley Cyrus - time for a more recent yet more embarassing one. I didn't say I necessarily liked all these songs, but I'll be honest and say this is the only Miley Cyrus song I couldn't resist.

My favorite lyric: OoOHooOHoh I/ I can't wait/to see you again

5. The Pokemon theme song - and back to my childhood. This one I'm not ashamed to admit and the theme song had a great 80s wanna-be-tough feel to it. I loved Pokemon back in the day, which probably stemmed from my love of anime as a kid. Yes, I was one of those people. But don't worry, I grew out of it. Mostly. (I'll never say anything bad about "Dragonball Z" or "Yu Yu Hakusho.") I'll also confess something even worse: I can still say the entire Pokemon rap song.
My favorite lyric: I want to be the very best/like no one ever was/to catch them is my real test/to train them is my cause!

6. Let's Hear it for the Boy by Deniece Williams - speaking of the 80s..."Footloose!" "Footloose" had a great soundtrack that is a perfect slice of 80s awesomeness. Also, Matt Damon sings some of it on an episode of "Will & Grace." Need I say more?

My favorite lyric: Maybe he's no Romeo/but he's my lovin' one-man show/oohooohoohooh!

7. Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega - and on to the 90s again! Lots of the cheese of the 80s persisted into cheesy albeit feel-good 90s songs. All Mambo No. 5 was missing was an awkward group dance. Okay, the lyrics include directions, but I don't recall it sweeping the nation like the Macarena or something.

My favorite lyric: Do all the "aaah!"s and "Mambo number five!"s and "the trumpet!"s count?

8. One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head - I know I'm a little crazy since I love 80s music, but some of the songs are so wacky and bizarre that I enjoy hearing something a lot different than Top 40. Granted, this song was originally from the musical "Chess" (don't know it? Don't blame ya), but it became a chart topper out in the real world. In my world, I just thought this song was amazing and I knew I had to learn all the lyrics. Mission accomplished. There's nothing quite like a song that says "Exotic locales? Danger? Wild sex? Nah, let's have a real party and play some chess!"

My favorite lyric: You're talkin' to a tourist whose every move's among the purest/I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

9. Super Nova Girl from "Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century" - this was a Disney channel staple back in my day, and like many good kid movies, it ended with a big music number. Because, as we all know, all young teens worship a band, want to be in a band, or do both. There were lots of fun words in this song that I didn't really understand, but sounded very science-y and future-y.

My favorite lyric: Zoom zoom zoom/make by heart go boom boom (of course!)
10. What Dreams Are Made Of from "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" - yeah, while we're on the subject, I'll add the other movie that proves I was pretty damn girly at one point. What makes this even better is that I saw this movie on TV the other day and just had to watch it. That was the moment I realized I still knew the big song at the end, where Lizzie gets to be a mega pop singer for a little bit and show the world the star inside her. What else could a girl want?

My favorite lyric: Then I see you smile and I go oh oh oh (Can you tell I love the parts where you can sing along annoyingly?)

11. Cinderella by the Cheetah Girls from "The Cheetah Girls" movie - might as well go on to another girly Disney movie. Once again, the dream of a young girl is to be in a band. I liked "The Cheetah Girls" because it had a lot of music in it. I grew up with kids movies that were normally part musicals, so I liked the random moments of bursting into song. I like to say that the reason I watched this movie so many times was so I could figure out what each girl's name was. Aquanette, Dorinda, Galleria, and Chanel? Seriously? I also know the words to Together We Can, Girl Power and, of course, the Cheetah girls song at the end of the movie. Cinderella was my favorite though - it was the perfect mix of Disney girl power and pop.

My favorite lyric: I can slay my own dragons/I can dream my own dreams/My knight in shining armor is me/so I'm gonna set me free

12. Piano Man by Billy Joel - Something a little more grown up, I hope. I do love me some Billy Joel. My favorite is Only the Good Die Young and of course I know all the words to that, but Piano Man is longer and more pensive. This is the kind of song you really get into, swelling up into the emotional "he said SON will you PLAY me a MEMORY!" And then sit back and hum along to "la da di dee daa" as you make love to your tonic and gin. This is one of those songs I guess I'm not so ashamed to know as I think everyone should know this one and be able to belt it out at a moment's notice.

My favorite lyric: And he's talking with Davy/who's still in the Navy/and probably will be for life...Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness

13. "Firefly" theme song - This one goes into the ashamed pile because it exposes me as a Browncoat. Okay, I wouldn't be ashamed, "Firefly" is amazing, but I'm afraid to mention it because I'm afraid to be mistaken for a Whedonite. Long story for another blog post, but "Buffy" hasn't struck me in the way "Firefly" did. Once again, the show gets major points for actually having a theme song. More points for having a theme with actual words, not just an instrumental riff. This theme captures the tone of the show perfectly. It makes me sad sometimes that we live in a world where "One Tree Hill" gets more seasons than "Firefly." I've watched a lot of genius, short-lived shows in my day, but "Firefly" is the most painful cancellation yet. You might think all the posthumous hype would be impossible to live up to, but this is one case where fans really aren't exaggerating the quality level.

My favorite lyric: Take me out to the black/tell them I ain't coming back/burn the land and boil the sea/you can't take the sky from me
14. The Saga Begins by Weird Al - Growing up with a brother, it was almost impossible to avoid liking Weird Al. Plenty of his music stays with me even now, but this is the only one I still remember all the words to. I knew this song before the original song it was based on, American Pie, so when I hear American Pie I automatically launch into "my my this here Anakin guy." I had this problem with many other songs used in "Moulin Rouge;" since I was young at the time, I remember songs as being part of a "Moulin Rouge" medly before I remember them as original songs from years before the movie. But I still like Weird Al's version of the song better.

My favorite lyric: But their response didn't thrill us/they locked the doors and tried to kill us

15. I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly - Another childhood memory. "Space Jam" is often overlooked in lists of 90s kid movies, but I remember particularly loving it. Don't know why, I'm not really into basketball. Or the Looney Tunes. Maybe it was because the movie taught me the power of believing in myself. Or because Wayne Knight a.k.a Newman was in it. Both are strong selling points.

My favorite lyric: I see me running through that open door (I really hope this symbolizes opportunity instead of Heaven, which is what I thought when I was a kid. Hey, the song had a real gospel feel to it!)

16. Cell Block Tango from "Chicago" - I know all the songs in "Chicago" by heart, but it's a tad embarassing to admit that my favorite isn't the famous All That Jazz or I Move On, but the saucy Cell Block Tango. Also, even in quick voiceover moments, Taye Diggs is still sexy.

My favorite lyric: So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots/into his head....He saw himself as alive/and I saw him dead (Brings a whole new meaning to "female empowerment," huh?)

17. Tradition from "Fiddler on the Roof" - Speaking of musicals, another one I can quote in its entirety - songs and everything else. I feel like being able to recite all of Tradition at the drop of a hat is a bigger skill considering a lot of it is dialogue. Singing along with Tevye to If I Were a Rich Man or To Life is fun, but getting Tradition down takes some nerdy dedication.

My favorite lyric: You may ask "how did this tradition get started?"/I'll tell you/I don't know/but it's a tradition!

18. It Wasn't Me by Shaggy - this goes under the category of Why on Earth do I Know this Song? Probably because it's catchy as all get-out and it was on the radio enough for the lyrics to infiltrate my mind and never leave. It's kind of annoying when a song about a lying cheating douchebag is catchy and made for singing along. It also had that incomprehensible interlude by that Jamaican dude. Oh, I guess that doesn't count then for "knowing all the words," but really, who does know what that guy is saying? Also, this song gets filed under another category of Songs that Sound Like they're Sung By Women. Sorry, Shaggy, but if you weren't singing about your girl catching you, I'd have assumed you were a girl.

My favorite lyric: My girl just caught me/you let her catch you?/...I don't know what to do/say it wasn't you/alright!

19. La Tortura by Shakira - I don't know Spanish. There might be some stuck over from high school wafting around my head, but I probably don't know enough to form a coherent sentence at this point. So the fact that I know every word to this lesser known Shakira song that is entirely in Spanish is completely bizarre. Even more embarassing - I may know the words to sing along, but I don't know what most of them mean. This is normally the part where someone tells me the translated words are unspeakably filthy.

My favorite lyric: I'm afraid to even bother.

20. Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) by Cobra Starship - I finally got around to seeing "Snakes on a Plane" on TV and was glad I never spent money on it, not that I would have anyway. All you have to do is watch Samuel L Jackson's famous clip and you've seen the movie. But one good thing came out of it - an awesome song. If only the lyrics were more generic and weren't so related to the movie, it might have had better life on its own.

My favorite lyric: Pop the cheap champagne/we're going down in flames, hey!

21. Love Will Keep Us Together by the Captain and Tennille - Blame this on "Will & Grace." Will and Grace sing it together when they have their old-fashioned piano party, and I thought it was so cute I downloaded the song. A million plays later, I still love this sweet 70s song. I didn't exist in the 70s, but even I know I should be ashamed that I'm a fan of a Captain and Tennille number.

My favorite lyric: Young and beautiful/someday your looks will be gone/when the others turn you off/who'll be turnin' you on?/I will, I will, I will

Stay tuned for part 2 where I'll embarass myself some more...