My failed New Year's resolution - Tvgirl vs. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

I'm not much for resolutions, but as 2009 turned into 2010, I made a pop culture resolution that I thought was a worthwhile venture. I resolved to watch all of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." After I realized that there are several crossover episodes with its spin-off "Angel," I resolved to watch that as well. People rave about these shows and frequently cite "Buffy" as one of the best TV shows of all time. I adored Joss Whedon's "Firefly" and I enjoy the horror/supernatural genre, so it seemed like a no-brainer that I would fall in love with these two shows like everyone else. Well, I'm sad to report that I failed. I could only get about four and a half seasons in until I couldn't take it anymore. I made it through some of the first season of "Angel" but dropped that because I couldn't acquire the rest of it, not because I couldn't stand it. But I dropped "Buffy" because the things I disliked about it outnumbered the things I liked about it. So just what is it that I found so insufferable about "Buffy" while everyone else adores it? (Feel free to yell at me all you want. Or explain to me why I should stick with it and what I'm missing, which would be more helpful.)

Buffy Summers
Sorry, I don't like the Slayer. I find Sarah Michelle Gellar kind of annoying in this role and I tired quickly of her. I also got tired of her "serious" acting, which basically involves talking in a soft, hurt voice. I think a lot of this dislike comes from the intense pressure I feel to think of Buffy as a badass female role model who I should worship. Yeah, she kicks ass, but she isn't very bright and has others do the brainwork for her. And I know she's a teenage girl, but she gets really moody, cocky, bratty and insensitive and I don't have the patience for it I suppose. I also have an issue with the clever dialogue coming out of her mouth (as well as Xander's, but he'll get his soon enough). On "Firefly," the dialogue was full of slang and wit but it was set in an entirely different, future setting. "Gilmore Girls" as well as "Veronica Mars," to a certain extent, had witty dialogue but the characters were very intelligent and worldly. Buffy is just a petulant kid, so the dialogue comes off more cutesy and attempting to be hip than organically clever.

Xander and Anya
Same goes for Xander regarding the dialogue. I cannot stand Xander. He's an annoying, quippy, useless person in their little group. And then he has his little romance with Anya, another annoying character. I know it's a common suspension of disbelief regarding ages of actors playing teens, but there's a scene where Anya tries to order a drink at a bar and gets turned down because of her age. It's supposed to be hilarious. I'm sorry, but she looked like she was 35. These two together really drag down the show for me. Maybe I could just fastforward through their scenes? The only time I actually like Xander is when he grows a pair and tells the hard truth about a situation or character that needs to be said. But then he goes back to being plain old "lovable" Xander.

Angel
I never knew that the whole Edward Cullen/Bella Swan thing was a complete rip-off of the Angel/Buffy romance. God, I couldn't wait for their boring relationship to end. Or at least for Angelus to come back. Angel was such a bore and a downer. Until he got his own show, that is. Once he got his own show he was a much better character. But on "Buffy" he seemed to suck the life out of every scene he was in.

The excessively quippy dialogue
Like I said earlier, I think Joss Whedon's writing on "Firefly" really worked. But the quips and the "hip" dialogue just starts to make my ears burn on this show. I don't know how Giles keeps it together around these kids. I can actually understand now why some people don't like "Gilmore Girls," although the whip-smart dialogue on that show wasn't coming out of the mouths of dopey teenagers.

The stupid people of Sunnydale
Another element that really tests by ability to suspend disbelief. Any "Buffy" fan is aware of this infamous plot issue, so I won't bother explaining it, but the people of Sunnydale are absolute morons. Sure, they had that scene at the dance or prom or whatever honoring Buffy as Class Protector, but it didn't seem like enough. I guess Sunnydale has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for the supernatural. They don't even bother to do a half-assed mass amnesia like "Smallville" always did. The death rate must not faze anyone either. It's like "Murder, She Wrote," where half the town is evil and the other half ends up as dead victims of the evil ones.

Those scheming, nefarious villains
I got really sick of having a new Bond-esque demon plotting the world's destruction in a cave somewhere underneath Sunnydale. Every new villain was going to bring about the end of the world. But when every villain claims to be high stakes, it makes the threats less tangible every time. I grant "Buffy" a little wiggle room with the cheesy villains because it was produced on the WB during the 90s. But I felt like I was watching the supernatural version of "24," where Jack Bauer kills the Big Bad, only to be told "you think this stops here? You have no idea who you're dealing with. Wait until you meet my boss. He's even badder! This isn't over!"

The logic of the Slayer mythos
So there's only one Slayer for the entire world? There really isn't any evil in the rest of the world? Or maybe evil just goes unchecked everywhere outside of Sunnydale? But of course Sunnydale has the Hellmouth, so it does have more evil. Who picks the Slayer? The Powers that Be? Is there any rhyme or reason to it? Why can there only be one? There's a whole lot of evil out there and the deck is really stacked against the side of good if we only get one chosen fighter. All the other cities dealing with vampires just get to suffer I guess.

That empty library
This is another infamous sticking point among fans, but in the high school years, why is no one ever in that damn library? I know it wouldn't work if it was a highly trafficked area, but it's not exactly a secure meeting location. Maybe that's why Sunnydale students are so dumb. They never go to to the library to study, and even if they did, all the books would be about ancient texts and evil creatures.

Why didn't Buffy and Willow just room together in college to begin with?
The fourth season sends the gang off to college and hilarity ensures when Buffy and Willow must deal with horrible roommates. Why didn't they just room together? Maybe because then they couldn't have the contrived storyline about Buffy's evil roommate?

Now that everyone hates me, I will list some things I do like about "Buffy." Because there are some things that I enjoy about this show.

The Initiative
I dropped the show about halfway through the fourth season so I never got the resolution to the whole Adam thing, but I liked that this was the season where "Buffy" fully embraced its campiness. It was like, "screw it, there's a secret government facility under the college! Just go with it!" The whole thing was so ridiculous I couldn't help but love it.

Computer nerds were still, well, nerds
Because it's a show from the 90s, no one knows how to use a computer but the one nerdy friend. This amused me to no end.

Giles
I love Giles. He's smart, experienced, and can actually fight when he needs to. The addition of Wesley served to make Giles look cooler by comparison, but I loved him before that.

Cordelia
I was kind of pissed when she left the show. She was a spoiled teen but at least she was honest and spoke her mind. She wasn't a complete cliche either like I expected. She's the beautiful popular girl but she also does well in school. She seemed like a much more realistic character to me as she was a young girl craving attention and popularity despite being strong and smart. Buffy just comes across as a petulant child to me. Cordelia was destined for greatness. I haven't seen much of "Angel," but her presence on that show can only mean good things.

Spike
I know he's a fan favorite and I can see why. His character absolutely embraces the camp of it all and seems like the only one actually having any fun. He adds that much-needed element because I honestly think the show isn't that fun without him. I should watch the rest of "Buffy" just to see him get more screentime. I much rather see him and Buffy throw down than Buffy and Angel.

So I've listed my main complaints and the few things that kept me with the show that long. I failed at my resolution. But for 2011, I think I'll renew it. Partly just to be able to say that I've seen the entire series. Partly to see if it gets any better. I kept waiting for it to take off and it finally caught on with me in the fourth season, but it didn't hook me strong enough. By the time I got to another episode with Danny Strong's character, I just couldn't bring myself to pick up the series again. I had better things to do anyway. But I want to see if any other season hooks me. I still haven't gotten to Evil Willow or "Once More, With Feeling" or "The Body," so maybe the great episodes come later. I certainly hope so. I started to get the feeling that this show is a lot like "Supernatural" or "Chuck," where it's a good show that is criminally overlooked and underrated so the rabid fan base talks it up so much that it gets a spot in TV history. I love these two shows but I think their greatness can be exaggerated by over-zealous fans, leading newcomers to think "well, this show is good, but nothing life changing." I think this is what's happening with me and "Buffy." It's fine, despite the 90s cheesiness, but not the extraordinary experience I've heard about. It's hard for a show to live up to the kind of hype "Buffy" gets. I wonder how much of the hype is due to nostalgia and how much is due to actual quality. Because I don't think the show is overrated crap, but I think the passing time and fond memories have helped lift it in the public consciousness.

I'm also going to try and pick up "Angel" again. I really liked it, despite the cruel decision to kill off Doyle so soon and sub in Wesley. The only reason I haven't watched "Angel" is because I can't manage to obtain it to watch it. But I like the darker, more serious tone and I love crossover episodes between shows, so I'll try to find it.

Maybe I'll fall in love with "Buffy," but I've been sitting through it for four seasons and I keep on waiting for it to grab me and become the iconic show I've been promised. Or maybe I'll still be bored with it and just watch "Firefly" for the billionth time instead.(Let the flogging commence)

Why has this Fall TV season been so lackluster?

At first, I thought it was just my busier life this year that caused me to watch much less television lately. But then the other articles started up, asking why there are no break-out hits this year. It made me stop and think about this season and realize that it wasn't just me - there really aren't any big hits this year.
It's been a while, but it's been a long time since there was not a single new show I was excited about. I decided to drop "The Event" this week, "Nikita" never grabbed me, "Undercovers" just felt unnecessary with "Chuck" still around, "No Ordinary Family" sounded like a perfectly ordinary family drama, and I couldn't even bring myself to watch more procedurals. You want to know what my big, new obsession is this fall? "Six Feet Under." I recently acquired the DVDs and have been making my way through that show, effectively extinguishing any desire for a new show actually on the fall schedule. But I've turned to old cable shows because I just can't see beyond the flood of more and more procedurals. At some point, the American viewing public has to get sick of cops and lawyers, right? I'm fine if cops and lawyers are done well (like in "Southland") or with some interesting premise that hooks you ("Life on Mars" or "Eli Stone"), but the majority of shows out there are just run-of-the-mill, boring procedural shows. And I suppose a lot of the new fall shows are okay, but they aren't anything to get excited about. I remember how thrilling "Heroes" was in those early days, or how "Pushing Daisies" transported you into a fantasy world unlike any other, or how riveting "24" was every week, and I still get glimpses of the heartwarming enjoyable hour "Grey's Anatomy" used to be and still can be.

It's like "Lost" just left a huge void in quality TV and everyone is afraid to try anything big again. Although if they do try something big, they will be inevitably compared to "Lost," whether they intended to copy it or not. "Lost" was just such a big sensation among all demographics that I think TV is taking some time to collectively catch its breath. Also, as my new "Six Feet Under" love has noted, it's just easier to find quality television shows on cable networks. Cable networks still have freedoms that basic channels don't so they end up taking more risks, producing fewer shows but concentrating on making those few shows stellar. It's why a lot of good TV comes out of the UK - their seasons are short and they end the shows after only a few seasons. It may not be as satisfying in the short term, but in the long term, you realize that's why it was able to maintain its quality. Who knows, maybe a show like "Firefly" wouldn't have gone down in TV history as one of the greatest shows of all time if it had had more than one season to screw things up. Sure, there are some shows that can last a long time at a great level. "Supernatural" has had ups and downs, but I think it's one of the most consistently well written and acted shows on television now. But the lesson here is that the basic networks rarely take chances on something big, and more often than not, it doesn't pay off anyway.

So that's why I'm not blogging as much about TV as I wish I was. Long-term loves have been my focus as some shows, like "Fringe", have finally become great while others have always been great. It's also about that time when shows five or more seasons in experience a revitalization of creativity. But nothing new this fall has captured my attention, and that's really a shame because I'm not too hard to please when it comes to TV. I guess we'll all just hold on until next fall and hope someone, anyone, takes a gamble and brings us something great. It doesn't have to be the next "Lost." Just the next show that doesn't rehash the same formula we've seen a million times.

My Top 10: TV Heroes

It's been a while since I last did a Top Ten list, and everyone loves lists, so I figured I'd focus on the best of the best on TV. We all love a good hero and we know the basic short list for All Time Heroes (Batman, Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, etc.). The list of movie heroes is long, varied, well-worn territory, so I'd like to salute my favorite lesser-known TV heroes and heroines. I'm defining a hero through the use of a hypothetical scenario. If the there was some sort of doomsday scenario and the world was in jeopardy, who would I want if I could pick a team of ten people to help avert disaster? Okay, not all of them are heroes in the epic, world-saving sense, but I would want every one of them on my side when I'm in a bad spot. And I'm admitting right now that I am clumping together some related people when they are absolutely necessary as a team. What can I say? My list, my rules.

10. Rupert Giles (Anthony Stewart Head) from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

I'll admit, I'm not a big fan of "Buffy." I find it to be one of the most overrated shows out there. One of the reasons I have a hard time watching it is because of the fact that I don't like any of the characters. Any except Giles, that is (and Spike). I've only gotten four seasons into the show so my love of Giles is based solely on them, but from what I've seen he's the only person on that show who can get anything done. Buffy can kick ass but she's not very bright, Xander's a useless dork, Willow's smart but weak, Anya is a bitchy third wheel, and Angel was a moody miserable stalker who didn't become interesting until he got his own show. Giles, on the other hand, is brilliant and can kick ass if he needs to. The introduction of Wesley improved his image, but I liked him from the beginning. If the world was in jeopardy from supernatural forces, Giles would figure out what was behind it and how to stop it.

9. Malcolm Reynolds (Nathon Fillion) from "Firefly"

This spot would go to River Tam, but she got to be awesome in basically only one episode in "Firefly." "Serenity" is where she shined and if this was a movie heroes list she'd definitely place. But Mal is the hero of "Firefly" that I would want around when the shit hits the fan or any scary monsters are around going "grrr, argh." Okay, he wasn't exactly a hero in the strictest sense of the word, but he was a damn good leader of his little outfit and he did the right thing when making tough decisions.

8. Veronica Mars (Kristen Bell) from "Veronica Mars"

Some of my heroes aren't action stars, but they still fit my definition of hero. Anytime someone has screwed you over, Veronica is able to get to the bottom of it - and look great doing it. But more than just super sexy eye candy, she's clever and she knows how to work her appearance to her advantage. While someone like Giles could solve problems with his book smarts, Veronica would fill out the team with her street smarts. She's the kind of girl who could get a criminal to confess without him even realizing it. She's kind of ninja-like in that way.

7. Michael Westen (Jeffrey Donovan) from "Burn Notice"

He's sort of the male version of Veronica, but with much more experience in the professional world of espionage. He's also got that whole MacGyver thing going on which would totally help in my hypothetical doomsday scenario. He also has an ability unlike anyone else on this list to assume false identities for his jobs and that earns him a spot on this list.

6. Cal Lightman (Tim Roth) from "Lie to Me"
He's a human lie detector. What more is there to say? Lightman keeps a strong commitment to finding the truth and looking at a situation rationally. Sure, Dr. House can declare that "everybody lies," but Lightman can tell you who specifically is doing the lying and what about. He backs up his natural skill with years of scientific experience and study, so you can trust him to save the day when your ass is on the line. His expertise with interrogation would stop us from needing a Jack Bauer character to come along and torture an answer out of someone.

5. Olivia Dunham (Anna Torv) from "Fringe"

I've raved about Olivia for some time now, so of course she earns a top spot on this list. She's another take-charge lady with nerves of steel who can travel through universes just to help someone she cares about. She can face the strangest of the strange with a level head and still serve justice. I absolutely love her and would have to enlist her in my team of fictional superheroes. (Super referring to their awesomeness, not their comic book based powers.)

4. Sarah Connor (Lena Headey) from "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles"

This might seem strange to put her so high on the list, as she wasn't my personal female hero like Olivia, but she had a lot more to deal with than Olivia did. In a world full of deadly machines, she was truly the unstoppable force to be reckoned with. She combined top-notch combat skills with fierce maternal instincts and I'm sure even the FOX execs who cancelled her show would agree that she would be ideal to have by your side when the world is in peril.

3. The Winchester clan (Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins) from "Supernatural"

This is the start of "my list, my rules" because I am counting the next two as package deals. Sam and Dean Winchester with the help of Castiel are quite the team. Sure, they started the apocalypse, but they also managed to stop it, sort of. The self-sacrificing goes beyond what they do for each other and extends to what they sacrifice to help other people. When Dean lives a Twilight Zone version of his life if he wasn't a hunter, he cannot accept a life where others died because he wasn't around to rescue them. Sam agrees that their lifestyle "is unfair, and it hurts like hell, but it's worth it." Castiel rebels against the corrupt establishment in Heaven to try and save the Earth and gives up everything he had to do it. It's a shame the Heaven in the "Supernatural" universe is in such disarray because if anyone deserves it, it's these three heroes.

2. The Torchwood team (Naoko Mori, Gareth David-Lloyd, Eve Myles, Burn Gorman, John Barrowman) from "Torchwood"

Talk about more self-sacrifice in the line of duty. Three out of the original five team members died and Captain Jack Harkness had to sacrifice his grandson to stop a horrifying alien threat. Jack is a dashing hero who can't even die which makes him an incomparable hero. He's smarter and much more responsible than he seems and he picks loyal team members. An immortal ex-Time Agent, a cop, a doctor, a computer genius, and the tea boy who was so much more made one powerful group of heroes. Which is why it's that much more painful that the show insists on killing them off! (Oh, and you're pretty much ensured crisis sex with this horny bunch).

1. The Doctor (David Tennant or Christopher Eccleston) from "Doctor Who"

This is no shocker. The Doctor saves the universe every season and does it without firing a gun or throwing a punch. He'll take care of those damn Daleks every time they come back, he'll stop the Cybermen whenever they reappear, and he'll even burn his own planet out of existence to stop a threatening race bent on genocide. River Song put it best, when she commented that "now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days when the wind stands fair and the Doctor comes to call, everybody lives."

Songs I'm ashamed to admit I know all the words to (Part 1)

I love Spongebob Squarepants. The cartoon started at a time where I was still just barely young enough to watch cartoons and it began in 1999, so I classify it as the last great cartoon of the 90s Nick era. I was a child of the 90s, and all you have to do is look at the Children of the 90s blog to see how strong our nostalgia is for the time period. One post I've always hoped they would do is a list about 90s songs you're ashamed to say you know by heart still - even the ones you haven't actually heard since the 90s. This is why I bring up Spongebob. I know that he lives in a pineapple under the sea, et ceterea, et cetera, but Spongebob still airs so I'm not that ashamed to admit I know the theme song by heart. Honestly, that's not that big a feat, tons of people probably know the theme song. (But how many people know the FUN song, which is my favorite Spongebob musical number?) But that got me to thinking of all the songs I still know the words to that I really should have forgotten by now or should not know in the first place. Most of them come from my childhood, but plenty others are current or come from before I was born so I don't really have a good excuse there. But in celebration of summer randomness and openness, I decided to make a list of songs that I am ashamed to say that I know all the words to. They are in no particular order, although you can judge for yourself how embarassing each one is. (Note: I'm just guessing where lyric cut-off lines are. I'll fact check only to a certain point. So if you're a music snob or something, be warned).

1. The FCC Song from "Family Guy" - I figured I'd start with an obvious one. I'm tvgirl, of course I know the FCC song. "PTV" is one of the best episodes of "Family Guy" ever and they're at their best when they go musical. I also know the words to Road to Rhode Island, Awfully Different, The AIDS and Vascectomy songs, My Drunken Irish Dad, You've Got a Lot To See, and plenty others. But my favorite is the FCC song.
My favorite lyric: So they sent this little warning/they're prepared to do their worst/and they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be coerced/I can think of quite another place they should've stuck it first
2. Summer Girls by LFO - this wins my award for most random song ever written. Good thing I had this song to school me on important things like the fact that New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits, peaches come from Georgia, and that Billly Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets.
My favorite lyric: Call you up but what's the use/I like Kevin Bacon but I hate "Footloose"

3. The "Reading Rainbow" theme song - that great theme song. LeVar Burton. VHS tapes. PBS. Children's books. "Reading Rainbow" was a childhood staple and one of many great educational programs on public television. But you don't have to take my word for it!

My favorite lyric: I can be anything/take a look/it's in a book/of Reading Rainbow!
4. See You Again by Miley Cyrus - time for a more recent yet more embarassing one. I didn't say I necessarily liked all these songs, but I'll be honest and say this is the only Miley Cyrus song I couldn't resist.

My favorite lyric: OoOHooOHoh I/ I can't wait/to see you again

5. The Pokemon theme song - and back to my childhood. This one I'm not ashamed to admit and the theme song had a great 80s wanna-be-tough feel to it. I loved Pokemon back in the day, which probably stemmed from my love of anime as a kid. Yes, I was one of those people. But don't worry, I grew out of it. Mostly. (I'll never say anything bad about "Dragonball Z" or "Yu Yu Hakusho.") I'll also confess something even worse: I can still say the entire Pokemon rap song.
My favorite lyric: I want to be the very best/like no one ever was/to catch them is my real test/to train them is my cause!

6. Let's Hear it for the Boy by Deniece Williams - speaking of the 80s..."Footloose!" "Footloose" had a great soundtrack that is a perfect slice of 80s awesomeness. Also, Matt Damon sings some of it on an episode of "Will & Grace." Need I say more?

My favorite lyric: Maybe he's no Romeo/but he's my lovin' one-man show/oohooohoohooh!

7. Mambo No. 5 by Lou Bega - and on to the 90s again! Lots of the cheese of the 80s persisted into cheesy albeit feel-good 90s songs. All Mambo No. 5 was missing was an awkward group dance. Okay, the lyrics include directions, but I don't recall it sweeping the nation like the Macarena or something.

My favorite lyric: Do all the "aaah!"s and "Mambo number five!"s and "the trumpet!"s count?

8. One Night in Bangkok by Murray Head - I know I'm a little crazy since I love 80s music, but some of the songs are so wacky and bizarre that I enjoy hearing something a lot different than Top 40. Granted, this song was originally from the musical "Chess" (don't know it? Don't blame ya), but it became a chart topper out in the real world. In my world, I just thought this song was amazing and I knew I had to learn all the lyrics. Mission accomplished. There's nothing quite like a song that says "Exotic locales? Danger? Wild sex? Nah, let's have a real party and play some chess!"

My favorite lyric: You're talkin' to a tourist whose every move's among the purest/I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine

9. Super Nova Girl from "Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century" - this was a Disney channel staple back in my day, and like many good kid movies, it ended with a big music number. Because, as we all know, all young teens worship a band, want to be in a band, or do both. There were lots of fun words in this song that I didn't really understand, but sounded very science-y and future-y.

My favorite lyric: Zoom zoom zoom/make by heart go boom boom (of course!)
10. What Dreams Are Made Of from "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" - yeah, while we're on the subject, I'll add the other movie that proves I was pretty damn girly at one point. What makes this even better is that I saw this movie on TV the other day and just had to watch it. That was the moment I realized I still knew the big song at the end, where Lizzie gets to be a mega pop singer for a little bit and show the world the star inside her. What else could a girl want?

My favorite lyric: Then I see you smile and I go oh oh oh (Can you tell I love the parts where you can sing along annoyingly?)

11. Cinderella by the Cheetah Girls from "The Cheetah Girls" movie - might as well go on to another girly Disney movie. Once again, the dream of a young girl is to be in a band. I liked "The Cheetah Girls" because it had a lot of music in it. I grew up with kids movies that were normally part musicals, so I liked the random moments of bursting into song. I like to say that the reason I watched this movie so many times was so I could figure out what each girl's name was. Aquanette, Dorinda, Galleria, and Chanel? Seriously? I also know the words to Together We Can, Girl Power and, of course, the Cheetah girls song at the end of the movie. Cinderella was my favorite though - it was the perfect mix of Disney girl power and pop.

My favorite lyric: I can slay my own dragons/I can dream my own dreams/My knight in shining armor is me/so I'm gonna set me free

12. Piano Man by Billy Joel - Something a little more grown up, I hope. I do love me some Billy Joel. My favorite is Only the Good Die Young and of course I know all the words to that, but Piano Man is longer and more pensive. This is the kind of song you really get into, swelling up into the emotional "he said SON will you PLAY me a MEMORY!" And then sit back and hum along to "la da di dee daa" as you make love to your tonic and gin. This is one of those songs I guess I'm not so ashamed to know as I think everyone should know this one and be able to belt it out at a moment's notice.

My favorite lyric: And he's talking with Davy/who's still in the Navy/and probably will be for life...Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness

13. "Firefly" theme song - This one goes into the ashamed pile because it exposes me as a Browncoat. Okay, I wouldn't be ashamed, "Firefly" is amazing, but I'm afraid to mention it because I'm afraid to be mistaken for a Whedonite. Long story for another blog post, but "Buffy" hasn't struck me in the way "Firefly" did. Once again, the show gets major points for actually having a theme song. More points for having a theme with actual words, not just an instrumental riff. This theme captures the tone of the show perfectly. It makes me sad sometimes that we live in a world where "One Tree Hill" gets more seasons than "Firefly." I've watched a lot of genius, short-lived shows in my day, but "Firefly" is the most painful cancellation yet. You might think all the posthumous hype would be impossible to live up to, but this is one case where fans really aren't exaggerating the quality level.

My favorite lyric: Take me out to the black/tell them I ain't coming back/burn the land and boil the sea/you can't take the sky from me
14. The Saga Begins by Weird Al - Growing up with a brother, it was almost impossible to avoid liking Weird Al. Plenty of his music stays with me even now, but this is the only one I still remember all the words to. I knew this song before the original song it was based on, American Pie, so when I hear American Pie I automatically launch into "my my this here Anakin guy." I had this problem with many other songs used in "Moulin Rouge;" since I was young at the time, I remember songs as being part of a "Moulin Rouge" medly before I remember them as original songs from years before the movie. But I still like Weird Al's version of the song better.

My favorite lyric: But their response didn't thrill us/they locked the doors and tried to kill us

15. I Believe I Can Fly by R. Kelly - Another childhood memory. "Space Jam" is often overlooked in lists of 90s kid movies, but I remember particularly loving it. Don't know why, I'm not really into basketball. Or the Looney Tunes. Maybe it was because the movie taught me the power of believing in myself. Or because Wayne Knight a.k.a Newman was in it. Both are strong selling points.

My favorite lyric: I see me running through that open door (I really hope this symbolizes opportunity instead of Heaven, which is what I thought when I was a kid. Hey, the song had a real gospel feel to it!)

16. Cell Block Tango from "Chicago" - I know all the songs in "Chicago" by heart, but it's a tad embarassing to admit that my favorite isn't the famous All That Jazz or I Move On, but the saucy Cell Block Tango. Also, even in quick voiceover moments, Taye Diggs is still sexy.

My favorite lyric: So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots/into his head....He saw himself as alive/and I saw him dead (Brings a whole new meaning to "female empowerment," huh?)

17. Tradition from "Fiddler on the Roof" - Speaking of musicals, another one I can quote in its entirety - songs and everything else. I feel like being able to recite all of Tradition at the drop of a hat is a bigger skill considering a lot of it is dialogue. Singing along with Tevye to If I Were a Rich Man or To Life is fun, but getting Tradition down takes some nerdy dedication.

My favorite lyric: You may ask "how did this tradition get started?"/I'll tell you/I don't know/but it's a tradition!

18. It Wasn't Me by Shaggy - this goes under the category of Why on Earth do I Know this Song? Probably because it's catchy as all get-out and it was on the radio enough for the lyrics to infiltrate my mind and never leave. It's kind of annoying when a song about a lying cheating douchebag is catchy and made for singing along. It also had that incomprehensible interlude by that Jamaican dude. Oh, I guess that doesn't count then for "knowing all the words," but really, who does know what that guy is saying? Also, this song gets filed under another category of Songs that Sound Like they're Sung By Women. Sorry, Shaggy, but if you weren't singing about your girl catching you, I'd have assumed you were a girl.

My favorite lyric: My girl just caught me/you let her catch you?/...I don't know what to do/say it wasn't you/alright!

19. La Tortura by Shakira - I don't know Spanish. There might be some stuck over from high school wafting around my head, but I probably don't know enough to form a coherent sentence at this point. So the fact that I know every word to this lesser known Shakira song that is entirely in Spanish is completely bizarre. Even more embarassing - I may know the words to sing along, but I don't know what most of them mean. This is normally the part where someone tells me the translated words are unspeakably filthy.

My favorite lyric: I'm afraid to even bother.

20. Snakes on a Plane (Bring It) by Cobra Starship - I finally got around to seeing "Snakes on a Plane" on TV and was glad I never spent money on it, not that I would have anyway. All you have to do is watch Samuel L Jackson's famous clip and you've seen the movie. But one good thing came out of it - an awesome song. If only the lyrics were more generic and weren't so related to the movie, it might have had better life on its own.

My favorite lyric: Pop the cheap champagne/we're going down in flames, hey!

21. Love Will Keep Us Together by the Captain and Tennille - Blame this on "Will & Grace." Will and Grace sing it together when they have their old-fashioned piano party, and I thought it was so cute I downloaded the song. A million plays later, I still love this sweet 70s song. I didn't exist in the 70s, but even I know I should be ashamed that I'm a fan of a Captain and Tennille number.

My favorite lyric: Young and beautiful/someday your looks will be gone/when the others turn you off/who'll be turnin' you on?/I will, I will, I will

Stay tuned for part 2 where I'll embarass myself some more...

My Top 10: TV Boyfriends

Everyone has them. Their TV/movie boyfriends (or girlfriends). Those characters who are so damn hot, clever, kind, and/or smart you just wish they were real. Being the TV addict that I am, I've thought about this subject a lot. So, to distract me from the intensity of all the season finales, I decided to post for the whole world my ideal TV boyfriends, in order of their awesomeness. As evidenced by some repeats, some actors in general are always going to be my dream TV boyfriends. (And another spoiler? I totally go for nerds. Smart guys are hot.)

10. Henry Grubstick (Christopher Gorham) from "Ugly Betty"
He's the first nerd on my list but he better than anyone else embodies the hot nerd status. Any Henry fan can remember when Betty daydreamed about him as an underwear model...good times. He loses some points for being an accountant, but all in all he seemed like a dependable, sweet boyfriend to have.

9. Ben (Iddo Goldberg) from "Secret Diary of a Call Girl"
If nothing else, I want Ben as a friend (at least then I could take a good picture of him for this blog post). He'll stick by you, even if you let him know that you're actually working as a call girl. Although if you looked like Billie Piper, it wouldn't be hard to get a guy to stay no matter what. Ben has always clashed with Hannah's boyfriends, mainly because they were all pricks, as he reminded us in the most recent season finale. Who didn't think his note to Hannah was adorable? "Duncan was a prick. All your boyfriends were pricks. I'm not a prick." Out of context, it might not sound so romantic, but trust me, it totally was.

8. Jake Foley (Christopher Gorham) from "Jake 2.0"
And nerd number 2! Played once again by Gorham. "Jake 2.0" ran for 16 episodes in 2003 on the UPN so I won't begrudge anyone for not having a clue who I'm talking about. But Jake was the original Chuck Bartowski. He worked at the NSA fixing computers until he stumbled upon super powers thanks to some TV technology. He then got to work as an NSA field agent. He was sort of like Chuck with Intersect 2.0 but he was also able to interface with technology. He beats out Chuck though as my dream TV boyfriend, and I'm not completely sure why. Maybe just because I love Christopher Gorham. Maybe because Gorham, unlike Zachary Levi, can authentically play a nerd. (Levi can act like a nerd, but he will never look like one).

7. George (Russell Tovey) from "Being Human"
This was a toss-up between him and Mitchell (on left), the hottest vampire around (don't let anyone fool you, Edward Cullen has nothing on that sexy Irish beast.) But going on which character I rather date, I'd have to pick the sweet, adorable werewolf George. As long as I avoided him during his time of the month, we'd make a fine couple. And if I ever got kidnapped by or mixed up with some bad vampires, he'd come to rescue me. Not that he'd do it very gracefully, but I'd appreciate the gesture.

6. Jess Mariano (Milo Ventimiglia) from "Gilmore Girls"
Take away the music snobbery, and Jess would be an ideal boyfriend. After his rough years, of course, when he finally got his act together. I liked Dean well enough, but he was never right for Rory and Jared Padalecki was better off as Sam Winchester. And I absolutely loathed Logan and was thrilled when Jess told Rory what a jerk he was. Jess may have been a bit of an ass to people he didn't like, but he was great with Rory most of the time. And he definitely knew how to romance a girl - take her on a picnic lunch, ice cream, concerts, attend town events, talk endlessly about movies, music, and books.

5. Simon Tam (Sean Maher) from "Firefly"
He started out as a nerd, but he definitely held his own in "Serenity." You know, until he got shot. But he finally manned up and told Kaylee how he felt, and that's the kind of man you want. He's a genius, but more than that, he gave up everything, all the privilege in his life, to save his sister. More than simply smart, he was noble and selfless.

4. The Doctor (David Tennant) from "Doctor Who"
On one hand, you'd think he'd definitely make the cut because he saves the universe on a regular basis. On the other hand, you'd think he wouldn't make the cut because being his companion means you will meet an unfortunate end at some point. At best, you'll end up in an alternate universe. At worst, you witness the massacre of planet Earth and the torture of your family at the hands of a maniac. But as Sarah Jane Smith said, he's worth it. He's probably not the best boyfriend material, what with all the emotional baggage, but I'd settle for being a companion. Or a stowaway on the TARDIS...or a time agent/stalker...or a member of UNIT/stalker...

3. Aaron Tyler (Lee Pace) from "Wonderfalls"
This is yet another criminally unknown show since it was cancelled early in its run. Much like "Pushing Daisies," it was quirky, clever, and critically acclaimed. For those not in the know, that equals cancellation in the TV world. But in the short time I got to know him, I adored Aaron. He's getting his PhD in comparative religions, he's an atheist, he's still a bit of a slacker, he doesn't see the point in always buttoning his shirt up all the way, and he is very sweet with his eventual girlfriend, Mahandra. He genuinely worries about his sister and even goes to Canada to rescue the family housekeeper. He's probably the most realistic dream boyfriend on this list, which makes it all that much more painful that he doesn't exist.

2. Ned the Piemaker (Lee Pace) from "Pushing Daisies"
He bakes pies and wakes the dead. Need I say more? He's got his own emotional baggage, but unlike his girlfriend, I could actually give him a hug to make him feel better. While I'd have to compete with Chuck and Olive, I'm game. He leads a pretty sheltered life, running the Pie Hole and solving crimes, but I'd rather take a quiet, long life with Ned than a crazy, short, ill-fated life with the Doctor.

1. Scotty Wandell (Luke Macfarlane) from "Brothers & Sisters"
This one might shock some of my friends, as Ned almost wins first place. My personality type would probably go best with Ned, but my absolute favorite onscreen man is Scotty. I know this is cheating though because one, he's gay and two, he's taken by his husband Kevin. But since this is all hypothetical, I can dream about him. Of course, then it depresses me to think that there are no straight guys in existence like Scotty - he's sweet, a perpetual optimist, incredibly sexy, a fantastic chef, and a loyal partner. And he clearly has the patience of a saint to be able to withstand the Walker clan he married into.

Honorable Mention: Oliver Queen (Justin Hartley) from "Smallville" and JD (Zach Braff) from "Scrubs." Who doesn't love a superhero? Especially when moody Clark "Slave to Destiny" Kent is around making Oliver "Green Arrow" Queen look better. But my attraction to him is purely shallow, since he's wealthy and looks better than any man has a right to in green leather (see below). JD seems like a fun guy to hang out with and I dream of a time when every man is as confident in their sexuality as he is, but he's kind of awful with his girlfriends.

Remakes Galore: No "Torchwood" US (and there was much rejoicing)

Today I read the best news I've seen in a while: FOX is not going ahead with their American version of "Torchwood." (The idea could potentially go to another network, but let's celebrate the momentary victory at hand.) I still have no idea why they pursued this idea in the first place, considering these few points:

1. FOX's track record with SciFi shows ("Firefly," anyone?). Well, shows in general. They have a quick trigger finger over there.


2. Either trying to create an audience, which would be difficult for a US version of a UK show/franchise that few Americans outside the cult TV world even know or care about, or


3. Trying to bring in the American "Torchwood" fans. Which is very divisive. US fans already love the original, so why would they be clamoring for a US version rather than another season of the original? Especially after the spectacular "Children of Earth" miniseries that had pretty great ratings, if I'm not mistaken.


4. The inevitable character changes. I didn't buy for a second that FOX wouldn't change the Captain Jack Harkness character. The network of "24" and he-man Jack Bauer is going to have omnisexual Captain Jack saving the day? Hell, an American network like FOX is going to have all those gay storylines? Yes, US TV is getting better with this, but I cannot see a show like "Torchwood" in primetime becoming vastly popular anytime soon (The Parents Television Council would have a collective heart attack if they saw Captain Jack in primetime).


5. An American version would lack those ties to "Doctor Who." Granted, they don't reference "Who" that much on the original, but when they do, it's really significant. Like bringing in Martha Jones for a few episodes, or crossing over with "Who" for the fourth season finale. What fun is a spin-off show of a famous franchise if you can't even keep it in the same universe? Between the de-gaying of Captain Jack and the de-Who-ing of the show history, you might as well make an entirely new show as all the charm and appeal of the original would be lost.


6. It's totally pointless. That's my humble opinion here. Much like the US version of "Life on Mars," you'd be remaking a show that's already pretty good. (In the case of "Mars," insanely good.) "Torchwood" has never had the quality level of "Doctor Who," but it was fun and satisfying enough for fans. Leave well enough alone. Contrary to popular belief among TV execs, remaking a British show word-for-word but with an American accent will not equal the same ratings success it had in the UK.

Personally, I would love to see more "Torchwood." As long as they fix some things, like hiring some new team members, developing them, and NOT killing them off as soon as they get really interesting. And I've always wanted to know more about Captain Jack's past; they could do so much more with that. I know the 21st century is when it all changes, but I was hoping it wasn't an American "Torchwood" that I'd have to be ready for.