What to Do When: a beloved show goes downhill (RIP "Family Guy")

I've always been partial to the Seth MacFarlane universe over the Matt Groening universe. I realize that just saying this will cause people to make all kinds of assumptions about me. So be it. It's something I don't readily admit in public, but I will admit it. The reason I bring this up is because I've run into a bit of a problem - "Family Guy" isn't even a shadow of what it once was. I opened this post with my personal preferences to preempt the obvious retort from non-fans - "It always sucked, moron." This isn't helpful. Right now, I want to talk about a familiar dilemma to TV fans. What do you do when a show you've loved isn't great anymore? It could've succumbed to a steady decline in quality over the years, as many shows organically do, or it could've suddenly and drastically become awful. I could write this post about many different shows I've fallen out of love with. "Brothers and Sisters" or "House" definitely qualified. But the "Family Guy" dilemma bothers me the most and has been on my mind recently, so I'm going to focus primarily on it here.

"Family Guy," for all its criticisms and accusations of plagiarism ("The Simpsons" does not own the nuclear family mold. That's like saying JRR Tolkien owns the wise old man archetype), was a clever show. It could be toilet-bowl crude and hilariously poignant. The "PTV" episode is a classic that comments on modern censorship. The "Road to..." episodes were a pleasant change-up from their formula. The cutaway gags were random, but in all the right ways. The musical numbers set it apart and showed that no matter what character he's playing, Seth MacFarlane can sing. But, like many shows, it declined in quality. I hung on for a long time because, while newer episodes were nothing special, they normally contained at least one joke that made me laugh my head off. The "London Gentlemen's Club" and "Distracting Trumpet" gags were in later episodes and I'm thankful I stuck around for them. And there was, of course, the comfort food quality of spending time with characters I'd enjoyed for so many years.

But these days, I can't even bring myself to tune in for old time's sake. I don't know what went wrong, but the writing is sloppy and the humor is nonexistent. The cutaway gags are now entirely a lazy crutch, the characters are all exaggerated manifestations of their worst qualities, and the 'messages' are self-indulgently preachy. Compare the early episodes with Peter's ultra-religious father with the later episodes about alcoholism or politics. The show relied too heavily on guest voices in later seasons, but stunt casting is nothing new and one of my lesser complaints.One of my bigger complaints it that "Family Guy" blew a huge opportunity when it parodied "Star Wars." Parody isn't even the right word because it was more like a shot-for-shot remake with "Family Guy" characters with an occasional quip here and there.

So why am I complaining so much about a show whose decline has been obvious and a long time coming? Because it brings me to the larger issue at hand - what does a loyal viewer do when a show isn't the same one you loved in previous seasons?

You could...

- Keep on watching and hang on until the bitter end.
If you can still stand it, maybe the comfort food quality is enough to overlook bad writing or acting. However, returning to a show after you drop it and realizing that it's still terrible can cause you to go through the mourning process all over again.

- Watch a show that's by the same people.
This is the solution I went with in this case. This way, you have a better chance of ensuring you'll get the same kind of humor or writing. I started watching "American Dad" this summer and have now seen every episode at least twice. Without the cutaway gags, it's forced to have a plot every week. Also, Roger is my favorite character in the entire MacFarlane universe. He's flexible and layered enough that I don't think he'll fall victim to the same kind of character change that happened to Stewie on "Family Guy." Stewie was rather one-note in the beginning of the series and kept developing to the point where he's actually been several different Stewies throughout the series. Luckily, we still get some musical numbers on "American Dad" to ease the transition. I don't care what anyone else says, Cee-Lo Green as a homicidal, singing hot tub is entertaining.

- Find a show similar to it.
If you can't find a show by the same people and just want a show similar in structure or genre, do that. Watch "The Simpsons," "The Cleveland Show," "South Park," or old "King of the Hills" if you want to stay in the realm of adult animation. If you're abandoning a sci-fi show, find another sci-fi show to fill the void, and so on. Not rocket science.

- Re-watch the show's old episodes.
...until you can't take it any more, that is. The reason I didn't jump ship to "American Dad" sooner is because I kept watching reruns of "Family Guy." Well, after you practically memorize each episode, it's time to move on. But until you get sick of it, re-watching the show from the beginning is as good an option as any. And some shows might never get old. I've been watching the same episodes of "Seinfeld" pretty much my entire life and I still enjoy them. "Will & Grace" has similarly never lost its charm with me.

- Bombard the Internet with your pent-up bitterness.
Like I'm doing now! Honestly, I get really annoyed by people who can't admit that shows they loved are not good anymore. You can admit that it sucks now and it won't diminish the affection you have for the show's earlier seasons. You don't have to swear off the entire show. Beyond just ranting to fellow viewers, commenting about the show's decline on the Internet at least helps raise awareness to the people in charge that the show is suffering and the fans know it and will not stand for it. Unwavering loyalty to a show is pretty crazy when the writers/producers/actors aren't putting in the same commitment and care that the viewer is.

All of my favorite things rolled into one video

I just finished making and posting a music video. Anyone who loves TV, dancing, or the Scissor Sisters will enjoy this video. I tried to include as many shows as I could, but since I tend towards dramas (where characters rarely break into spontaneous dance), I could only include about 25-ish different shows. Also, I didn't want to include shows I don't watch. It's my vid, after all, and I wouldn't know how to hunt down clips for other shows anyway. I just hope other people have as much fun watching it as I did making it.

My Top 10: TV Pet Peeves

I'm not normally one to bitch and moan about tiny details in TV shows. Product placement doesn't bug me. Historical anachronisms don't elicit any hate mail from me. Language blunders make me groan, but little more. But there are some TV show pet peeves I have that annoy me more than all the others. Some of them we've been trained to accept by now, but that doesn't make them any less unrealistic. I'm talking about those tiny details that actually take me out of the show because they're so incredibly irritating.

10. Not wearing weather/job appropriate clothes

("Does anyone realize that I'm actually 41 years old?")

Most shows shoot in LA, meaning they don't get realistic winter weather or very much wind (most of the year). This makes it difficult for shows set in New England to create realistic settings when characters are outside in supposedly December weather wearing light jackets. Just in the Midwest the winter weather is bad enough to render your eyes red, nose runny, hair mussed, and skin dry from a short walk outside. This works in reverse as well for shows set in scorching places like Miami, Florida and not a single character looks hot or remotely sweaty. I also mention job appropriate clothing, mainly for procedurals. Female cops in warm weather climates apparently wear nothing but tank tops and let their hair flow free, even when examining delicate crime scenes. If you're smart enough, they'll even let you wear completely inappropriate goth clothing! (Yes, I'm looking at you, Abby from "NCIS.") I don't mean to be some ultra-conservative who is anti-self expression, but while you're at work at a federal government job, odds are low that they'll let you indulge.

9. No one uses toothpaste

("I have twelve cavities but at least my teeth are shiny white and smooth!")

You can't have actors foaming at the mouth every time a character attends to their hygiene, but it's still painfully noticeable when they don't use any toothpaste.

8. Intuitive spellers

("Matthew McConahay...McConaghy....Mconuhay....&%@# forget it")

"I need a background check on Alan O'Shaughnessy." "Got it. Two prior arrests, one for assault..." No matter what the name is, no one ever needs it spelled out for them. TV police departments are always filled with snarky geniuses, so I suppose it's not entirely fitting for the smartest people in the room to stop and ask about spelling.

7. Huge dorm rooms/living beyond means

(Enjoy, Freshman. You get to share that with three other people. There's a bucket down the hall if nature calls)

This is an obvious one from sitcoms like "Friends," but that's pretty naturally accepted by now and the dorm room one bugs me more anyway. Dorm rooms in "Gilmore Girls" were like luxurious apartments (maybe Yale is different because the students can afford it anyway?). Dorm rooms in the "Transformers" movie were multi-room as well, with plenty of space for a team of geeks to huddle over tons of computers. In real life, a college dorm room is more akin to a storage closet. And I don't even mean that as hyperbole. I've seen rooms that fit two beds bunked because two wouldn't fit in the room otherwise, and two human beings are supposed to live like that. A large portion of dorms I've seen don't even have air conditioning, since most universities are quite old and therefore the dorms are quite old unless they keep up-to-date on renovations. Fictional dorm rooms are like swanky Manhattan apartments - real life dorm rooms are an exercise in solitary confinement, claustrophobia, and heat stroke/hypothermia.

6. Old-fashioned answering machines

(Old answering machines are not without their perks)

You know the ones I'm talking about - those ones that play the message out loud. They're a favored plot device when you need someone to overhear something they weren't supposed to hear. Ask Rita from "Dexter" when she heard what Lila really thought about her. Ask Jerry's girlfriend from "Seinfeld" when she heard George relay the description of her 'Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer' laugh. Ask Luke from "Gilmore Girls" when he overheard Christopher leave a message on Lorelai's answering machine. I'm sure there are a million more examples, probably plenty from sitcoms. Does anyone (or at least anyone under 30) still have these kinds of answering machines? This plot device just reeks of laziness, especially from modern shows like two of the ones I mentioned where this accidental eavesdropping isn't even realistic.

5. Sunny mornings

(Just another normal 5am breakfast at Luke's Diner in the town of Stars Hollow)

"Gilmore Girls" always bugged me the most for this one, but many many shows have irked me for this. Most any show with kids going to school falls victim to this. Say a kid has to be at school by 8:30. Even if they have to do things before school, like eating breakfast, it will inevitably be bright and sunny outside. I know it would probably suck for the lighting crew to reenact sunrise, especially if any natural light is in the shot and therefore already dictating what time of day it is. But unless you're in a weird Northern location and it's summer, the sun is not out and shining like noon at 6 am (definitely not in winter in Connecticut, "Gilmore Girls!" I hate to keep picking on "Gilmore," but I know the show really well and love it, so these minor pet peeves absolutely don't overshadow its greatness).

4. Fake CPR

(Don't worry, Charlie, your actual death is much more heroic and cool)

Everyone knows (or at least should know) what CPR looks like. Even if you don't know the exact counting and breath/compression ratio (it seems to change every so often), you know that you're not supposed to bend your elbows when doing chest compressions. I even saw a character in a TV show give compressions to a person on a bed. And when all else fails, the desperate pounding Fist of Life will revive a person.

3. Taste-testing drugs

("Get Agent Johnson in here to taste all these substances, we need to know what they were cooking!")

What? You mean they don't give lessons on this at the Academy? Surprisingly, law enforcement doesn't encourage their investigators to stick a finger in a mysterious white powder and taste it to identify it as an illegal narcotic. Strange how we can apparently get the reflection of the killer off of the victim's eyeball in an image, but we can't test the drugs in a timely and efficient enough manner for TV investigations.

2. Enhance that photo!

("There's a reflection of the killer in the car door! Rotate, zoom, and enhance!")

This is a famous one and one of the many good reasons why I cannot watch "CSI." Investigators will bring up a slightly blurry photo and ask the techie to "enhance it." They then zoom in on the aspect they're interested in, and the photo magically clears up! In real life, you zoom in on a photo and that's it - it's just blurriness blown up. But in the world of procedurals, cameras have higher resolution than us mere mortals can dream of. As I mentioned, you can even get the reflection of a suspect off of someone's eye!

1. Empty coffee cups

(Don't lie, Gibbs. We know there's nothing in there.)

Sure, you can't have actors waving around actual cups of steaming hot coffee, risking stains and burns every day. But can we not put water in the cups? Or something semi-solid to weigh it down like bean bags or something? Everyone knows what a cup full of liquid looks and feels like. And everyone knows you don't tip a cup horizontal to take a first sip or take big gulps of supposedly scalding hot coffee.

Honorable mention: No one saying goodbye on the phone; turning off lights never resulting in total darkness; it only rains when something sad/dramatic is happening; carjackers searching for car keys in the glove compartment or visor (who on Earth leaves their keys in the car?); Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry's Tyler Perry starring Tyler Perry; "I'll have a beer" (which is like walking into a restaurant and ordering a 'sandwich'); groceries in paper bags; windows never having screens; ancient prophesies about the apocalypse foretelling the end of the world at midnight - which conveniently happens to be the same exact time zone as our heroes in California.

"Cougar Town" - a salute to the Cul-de-Sac Crew

"Cougar Town" has basically no plot these days. The name is misleading and pointless. The characters never go to work. We never see Ellie and Andy's infant son. Travis is home every weekend despite going away to college. There aren't really many romantic entanglements or new love interests. There's hardly ever more than one occasional guest star. The show is completely aware of its faults and unreal aspects. It's all about a bunch of adults who act like kids, except for the copious amounts of wine they drink every episode. And it's one of my favorite shows on television right now.It's just the definition of 'silly fun.' You want to hang out with these people. For them, adulthood means drinking wine and playing Penny Can or one of the other hundred games they make up. This most recent episode, "Lost Children," exemplified this basic core of the show - friends having a blast. They played one big grown-up version of hide-and-seek. In the process, they snooped around their friends' houses, encountered "Waiting for Superman" (which is not about Superman), and dealt with some conflicts along the way. "Cougar Town" isn't genius. It isn't meticulously crafted like "Arrested Development" or random and non sequitur heavy like "Family Guy" or "Scrubs," but instead it could follow "Seinfeld"'s motto - it's a show about nothing. But, like "Seinfeld" taught us, a show about nothing can be incredibly hilarious and entertaining. "Seinfeld" derived humor from everyday life and relatable humorous situations, while "Cougar Town" derives humor from a make-believe version of what we wish our lives were like.

"Cougar Town" is getting the solo love-fest this week because "Modern Family" was a repeat. I will point out that "Modern Family" has definitely had a creative upswing in the latter half of its second season. My fears were unfounded and the writing is top-notch and whip-smart again. That being said, "Cougar Town" isn't just the highlight of my Wednesday, it's the highlight of my week.

Best quotes:

This week's title: Do we have to do this joke forever? "Cougar Town"

Travis: "Mom, I'm trying to fix the TV, but I need to know what you did to break it."
Jules: "I just pushed one of the buttons on the remote and it went to black."
Travis: "Mmhmm. And then?"
Jules: "After it went black, I pushed about a hundred other buttons and then I plugged and replugged a bunch of wires."

Travis (about "Waiting for Superman"): "It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a depressing expose about the failing public school system."

Barb: "You used to be one of us - stalking prey without mercy or shame."
Jules: "When are people going to understand? That's not who I am anymore. I mean, what do I have to do? Change my name?"
Barb: "You'll be back! The filth is strong within you!"

Everybody's 'trucker whoo'

Moving target Penny Can!

"Tossing copper" as new slang for Penny Can

Jules (on not being able to watch the documentary): "Damn it. I wanted to feel smart tonight. Smart and depressed about the world. Not dumb and happy like always."

Travis (talking about an article from his Psych class): "Adults can reduce their stress levels by embracing the activities they loved when they were little kids."
Grayson: "So we should all go hide in the shower and watch my babysitter pee?"
Jules: "No no no, this is good. I mean, not your thing. We're going to have to talk to a professional about that."

Laurie: "I love me some beef and bubbles. Oh! That should be our detective names! He's Beef, a grizzled ex-marine with a secret - he's a vegetarian. She's Bubbles, his plucky hot partner with a secret of her own - she's Beef's daughter. Together, they fight crime and each week, maybe they grow a little bit closer together."

Bobby: "We might as well watch this fake boring Superman documentary."
(later)
Bobby: "You know what's scarier than Lex Luthor? The decaying public education system that's cheating our young people out of a future."

Jules: "Now, you have an outside perspective of the Cul-de-Sac Crew. How do you see us?"
Travis: "Well, I see you guys as a bunch of old people with surprisingly good skin given the amount of wine and sun you take in."
Jules: "Yeah, I think the alcohol preserves us."

Grayson: "Hey, look, Travis' ironic t-shirt collection! 'Hey, I'm moody and sarcastic and I'm home for the tenth straight weekend because I don't understand how college works!'"

Ellie: "Look, when Andy's parents first moved here from Cuba they scraped up enough money to send him to prep school. So in walks this husky, balding 11 year old with a whole fried fish for lunch. He got terrorized by pretty boy D-bags like you named Wyatt or Deckland. And every time you tease him you remind him of those guys. Don't feed into it and you'll be fine."
Grayson: "No problem. Except for I just tied him to a tree, I gotta go get him."

Tom: "Why aren't you at college?"
Travis: "You know, Tom, I...don't...know."

Grayson: "Put my ice cream away and go get some wine and pillows and hide from Jules in the truck. I gotta go get Andy because I tied him to a tree."

Grayson: "Okay, so I probably shouldn't have tied you to a tree."
Andy: "Since I'm Cuban it's almost a hate crime."

Grayson: "Most of those cool guys, they're like me - divorced, struggling through life, peaked at 18..."
Andy: "Wow, you're a total loser."
Grayson: "What? No, I got Jules now."

Jules: "I swear to God, I will burn this whole Cul-de-Sac down!"

Bobby: "So ya'll bag on Sam once we left?"
Grayson: "What could we possibly say about her? We met her for like two seconds."
Bobby: "Well, that's all you're gonna get because she dumped me. Go ahead."
Ellie: "Bad hair, weird nose, thick neck."
Grayson: "She shook my hand with her fingertips. What are you, the Queen of France?"
Laurie: "Her face made me want to learn how to box."

My Top 10: Fictional Eateries I want to visit

It's roughly mid-month, which means it's time for another bizarrely themed Top 10 list! This time I'm profiling some of my favorite imaginary restaurants and cafes from movies and television. Since I've missed out on some really popular shows, I like to refrain from saying "the greatest X of all time," instead substituting "my favorite X of all time." As always, I (futilely) encourage feedback, so you're always free to dispute my choices or offer your own.

10. Monk's from "Seinfeld"An absolutely iconic eatery in television history, this one ranks so low because the food looked like it sucked. But when Reggie's, the bizarro coffee shop, is your only other option, Monk's starts to look like five-star cuisine. If nothing else, I hear the Big Salad is good.

9. Java the Hut from "Veronica Mars" I admit it, this one gets a spot partly because of the awesome name. But it also had plenty of great music acts in addition to secret private investigator meetings. It has the perfect atmosphere of teen hangout mixed with film noir.

8. The Soup Nazi's place from "Seinfeld" Once you get past the delicate ordering procedure, it sounds like the soup is totally worth it. Word to the wise - if they forget to give you bread, just let it go.

7. Rick's Cafe Americain from "Casablanca"Of all the gin joints in all the world, this one is the definition of cool. Suave, classy, and full of intriguing people, Rick's Cafe is the place to be. Referencing any more of the famous quotes would be too easy, so I'll just say that this movie really never does get old...even as time goes by (too easy, but I can't resist).

6. Any diner from any gangster movieIt's basically a requirement for any major gangster, crime drama to have the characters discuss their plans in a diner. Tarantino particularly enjoys this trope, whether the characters openly discuss robbing a diner like in "Pulp Fiction" or they discuss the validity of tipping or the meaning of Madonna songs like in "Reservoir Dogs." So why would I want to visit those places? Because you're guaranteed some drama and shady patrons. The rest of my choices are pretty tame by comparison, so this is my one wild selection.

5. The Krusty Krab from "Spongebob Squarepants"The episode where Squidward tried his first Krabby Patty sealed the deal for me - I must have one. They may not be the most healthy food option under the sea, but they're good for your soul.

4. Coffee Bucks from "Scrubs" (or "Cougar Town") Bill Lawrence carried over his fictional coffee chain into "Cougar Town," but it was featured prominently in "Scrubs" first when Kelso put one in the hospital. You'd be guaranteed to run into everyone from Sacred Heart here. Just be sure that you don't pass on your coffee-drinking ways to your kids.

3. La Chocolaterie Maya from "Chocolat"This definitely places high on a list of 'movies not to watch while hungry.' As far as my sweet tooth goes, I would be fine if chocolate was the only candy I could eat for the rest of my life. Vienne knows all sorts of long-held secrets of chocolate preparation, so mix that in with the natural beauty of the French village and you've got one great hot spot for chocolate lovers.

2. Luke's Diner from "Gilmore Girls"
I just wish I could move to Stars Hollow for a few months. Luke makes the best cup of coffee in town, according to the local coffee experts Lorelai and Rory. He'll make you something unique (if he likes you) and handle orders with charm and patience. Not to mention there's always plenty of local character.

1. The Pie Hole from "Pushing Daises"I'm not even a big fan of pie, but if the Piemaker bakes it himself, I'll definitely make the exception. Unlike Keri Russell's inspired pies in "Waitress," the town in "Pushing Daisies" isn't nearly as depressing and the pies are far more magical. This place has the most local color of all since it's like stepping into a fantasy land. The show was best described as a 'forensic fairy tale' and, really, who wouldn't want to take a visit to that genre?

Honorable mention: Good Burger from "All That" and "Good Burger," The Drunken Clam from "Family Guy," Weston's from "Gilmore Girls," Independence Inn or Dragonfly Inn from "Gilmore Girls," any of "Chuck"'s random restaurants (Lou's sandwich place, the Orange Orange, Wienerlicious), Pizza Planet from the "Toy Story" movies, Sacred Heart Cafeteria from "Scrubs"