Why isn't "Cougar Town" on?

Just in case I have any "Cougar Town" followers after all my gushing over the show, I know some people out there are probably wondering where it went. It's going on hiatus until April 13 to make room for Matthew Perry's new show "Mr. Sunshine." Unfortunately, his new show is doing better in the timeslot than "Cougar Town" does. Why they couldn't bump the dreadful "Better With You" is beyond me, but before you panic, "Cougar Town" isn't being kicked off the Wednesday lineup anytime soon. It was already renewed for a third season, so rest easy. There's room for all the "Friends" alums on ABC.

"Cougar Town" - a salute to the Cul-de-Sac Crew

"Cougar Town" has basically no plot these days. The name is misleading and pointless. The characters never go to work. We never see Ellie and Andy's infant son. Travis is home every weekend despite going away to college. There aren't really many romantic entanglements or new love interests. There's hardly ever more than one occasional guest star. The show is completely aware of its faults and unreal aspects. It's all about a bunch of adults who act like kids, except for the copious amounts of wine they drink every episode. And it's one of my favorite shows on television right now.It's just the definition of 'silly fun.' You want to hang out with these people. For them, adulthood means drinking wine and playing Penny Can or one of the other hundred games they make up. This most recent episode, "Lost Children," exemplified this basic core of the show - friends having a blast. They played one big grown-up version of hide-and-seek. In the process, they snooped around their friends' houses, encountered "Waiting for Superman" (which is not about Superman), and dealt with some conflicts along the way. "Cougar Town" isn't genius. It isn't meticulously crafted like "Arrested Development" or random and non sequitur heavy like "Family Guy" or "Scrubs," but instead it could follow "Seinfeld"'s motto - it's a show about nothing. But, like "Seinfeld" taught us, a show about nothing can be incredibly hilarious and entertaining. "Seinfeld" derived humor from everyday life and relatable humorous situations, while "Cougar Town" derives humor from a make-believe version of what we wish our lives were like.

"Cougar Town" is getting the solo love-fest this week because "Modern Family" was a repeat. I will point out that "Modern Family" has definitely had a creative upswing in the latter half of its second season. My fears were unfounded and the writing is top-notch and whip-smart again. That being said, "Cougar Town" isn't just the highlight of my Wednesday, it's the highlight of my week.

Best quotes:

This week's title: Do we have to do this joke forever? "Cougar Town"

Travis: "Mom, I'm trying to fix the TV, but I need to know what you did to break it."
Jules: "I just pushed one of the buttons on the remote and it went to black."
Travis: "Mmhmm. And then?"
Jules: "After it went black, I pushed about a hundred other buttons and then I plugged and replugged a bunch of wires."

Travis (about "Waiting for Superman"): "It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a depressing expose about the failing public school system."

Barb: "You used to be one of us - stalking prey without mercy or shame."
Jules: "When are people going to understand? That's not who I am anymore. I mean, what do I have to do? Change my name?"
Barb: "You'll be back! The filth is strong within you!"

Everybody's 'trucker whoo'

Moving target Penny Can!

"Tossing copper" as new slang for Penny Can

Jules (on not being able to watch the documentary): "Damn it. I wanted to feel smart tonight. Smart and depressed about the world. Not dumb and happy like always."

Travis (talking about an article from his Psych class): "Adults can reduce their stress levels by embracing the activities they loved when they were little kids."
Grayson: "So we should all go hide in the shower and watch my babysitter pee?"
Jules: "No no no, this is good. I mean, not your thing. We're going to have to talk to a professional about that."

Laurie: "I love me some beef and bubbles. Oh! That should be our detective names! He's Beef, a grizzled ex-marine with a secret - he's a vegetarian. She's Bubbles, his plucky hot partner with a secret of her own - she's Beef's daughter. Together, they fight crime and each week, maybe they grow a little bit closer together."

Bobby: "We might as well watch this fake boring Superman documentary."
(later)
Bobby: "You know what's scarier than Lex Luthor? The decaying public education system that's cheating our young people out of a future."

Jules: "Now, you have an outside perspective of the Cul-de-Sac Crew. How do you see us?"
Travis: "Well, I see you guys as a bunch of old people with surprisingly good skin given the amount of wine and sun you take in."
Jules: "Yeah, I think the alcohol preserves us."

Grayson: "Hey, look, Travis' ironic t-shirt collection! 'Hey, I'm moody and sarcastic and I'm home for the tenth straight weekend because I don't understand how college works!'"

Ellie: "Look, when Andy's parents first moved here from Cuba they scraped up enough money to send him to prep school. So in walks this husky, balding 11 year old with a whole fried fish for lunch. He got terrorized by pretty boy D-bags like you named Wyatt or Deckland. And every time you tease him you remind him of those guys. Don't feed into it and you'll be fine."
Grayson: "No problem. Except for I just tied him to a tree, I gotta go get him."

Tom: "Why aren't you at college?"
Travis: "You know, Tom, I...don't...know."

Grayson: "Put my ice cream away and go get some wine and pillows and hide from Jules in the truck. I gotta go get Andy because I tied him to a tree."

Grayson: "Okay, so I probably shouldn't have tied you to a tree."
Andy: "Since I'm Cuban it's almost a hate crime."

Grayson: "Most of those cool guys, they're like me - divorced, struggling through life, peaked at 18..."
Andy: "Wow, you're a total loser."
Grayson: "What? No, I got Jules now."

Jules: "I swear to God, I will burn this whole Cul-de-Sac down!"

Bobby: "So ya'll bag on Sam once we left?"
Grayson: "What could we possibly say about her? We met her for like two seconds."
Bobby: "Well, that's all you're gonna get because she dumped me. Go ahead."
Ellie: "Bad hair, weird nose, thick neck."
Grayson: "She shook my hand with her fingertips. What are you, the Queen of France?"
Laurie: "Her face made me want to learn how to box."

ABC Wednesday - nutty neighbors, dopey doves, and product placement

"Modern Family" - Slow Down Your Neighbors"Modern Family" returned with a strong episode this week that revolved mainly around crazy (and crazy hot) neighbors. James Marsden guest starred as the hot tub intruder Barry while Claire fought to slow down a reckless speeder. Meanwhile, Jay tried to teach Gloria to overcome her fear and ride a bike. Each storyline was solid and had plenty of hilarious gems. Honestly, I can take or leave the stunt casting. But that being said, Marsden was still fun. And still smoking hot. I loved Mitchell and Cam's pre-credits sequence.

Best Quotes:

Cam: "Mitchell, there's a stranger in our hot tub!
Mitchell: "Who is it?"
Cam: "You do know what 'stranger' means, don't you?"
Mitchell: "Oh my god, how long has he been there?"
Cam: "I saw him exactly one second before you, you know everything I know."
Mitchell: "Okay, I'm calling 911."
Cam: "I'm getting my bat."
(They get a good look at 'the stranger')
Mitchell: "Maybe we're overreacting."
Cam: "Yeah, he could have a very good reason."
Mitchell: "We should at least say 'hello.'"
Cam: "It's only polite."

I have to say that they use Luke perfectly on this show. He's turning into my favorite Dunphy.
Luke (scoffing): "Police. Order a pizza and call the cops, we'll see who gets here first."

Phil: "'Luke, I am your father!' That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts."

Claire trying to remember the car's license number while Phil wrote down an address was great. "Okay, 10-4. This could be my best year since 2006!"

Jay: "Two-thirds of my house can't do what a billion Chinese do."

Phil: "Bring it, Laura. You want to test me? I've been tested my whole life. They could never find anything."

Cam: "You do this every time we meet a new friend. They say one thing you don't like and you just write them off."
Mitchell: "I do not!"
Cam: "Oh really? What about 'But-Yet Rachel'?"
Mitchell: "'I'd love to go, but yet I don't feel like parking.' It's either 'but' or 'yet', not both!"
Cam: "You're lucky no one's kicked your butt, yet. What about Thomas? You wrote him off because he serves the salad after the meal. Which, by the way, is very common in Europe."
Mitchell: "What part of Europe is he from? Pretentious-stan?"
Cam: "Okay, fine, keep judging. Don't let anyone in. I could care less."
Mitchell: "I think you mean you couldn't care less because if you could care less it means that you care a little bit."
Cam: "All right. I'm going into the hot tub. If I stay in here one more minute my head is literally gonna explode."
Mitchell: "Well I hope not because if you mean literally-"
Cam: "-I don't feel safe in my own home!

Mitchell (about his tendency to roll his eyes): "I once saw a picture of myself at a friend's poetry slam, and all you could see were the whites of my eyes."

Jay: "We're riding bikes, we're not training police dogs."

Luke as a teacher was my favorite thing in this episode.
Luke (offering to teach Gloria to ride a bike): I never taught anyone anything. But my playdate canceled, so I was wide open.

Phil: "I wish I were one of those people who thrives on the danger of leading a double life - you know, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, Hannah Montana."

Phil: "Claire was furious. She said I betrayed her on every level. So, I called the florist, and I have ordered one dozen Mylar balloons. Good luck staying mad, honey!"


"Cougar Town" - No Reason to Cry
"Cougar Town" is still at the top of its game, silly and quirky as ever. I'm so happy to have the Cul-de-Sac Crew back! I loved the running gag of Andy and Ellie providing fake names to screw the other person over. At first I thought that they were a one-note couple, but they're really cute together. Especially when they're trying to escape "Jules' friend prison." The changing of the coffee sizes was fantastic as well and I knew instantly I had to include Laurie's entire speech for the quotes section. I wish the Emmys or someone official would recognize how awesome Busy Phillips is on this show.

I know the whole Diet Dr. Pepper product placement is going to ruffle feathers among people who go crazy over that sort of thing. To them I say 'get over it!' I rather a show do product placement like this than awkwardly make the characters suddenly all drink the same drink all the time. I thought it made perfect sense in context, for the character of Bobby as well as in the context of him wanting a sponsorship for his golfing. I loved Travis' little "is someone filming this?" comment as Bobby went on about Diet Dr. Pepper. I think people overreact anytime any real product is mentioned or shown in a positive light. I know I've gladly extolled the virtues of Coca Cola before and I don't find it unrealistic for a person to talk about a drink they love. If you can't just do the lingering shots of certain brand names on a show, then I prefer the writers try to be a little creative about it. I was never bothered by the "Chuck" Subway product placement because I know people who willingly rave about the place. Just be happy that primetime shows aren't nearly as awkward as soap operas are with their product placement.

Best Quotes:

Title this week was a long one! "New Year's Resolution: Embrace Our Stupid Title & Lose Six Pounds "Cougar Town" (We love it!)"

Jules: "It's so cool that you and Kirsten are staying for a movie."
Travis: "You said if I didn't, you wouldn't give me money for food."
Jules: "Just say 'you're welcome,' dude."

Jules: "Oh, sweetie, Grayson and I are a better couple than you."
Travis: "Well this sounds like a healthy road to go down with your mom."

Jules: "Grayson, pop quiz! What is my favorite food? What makes me really sad? Who's my celebrity crush?"
Grayson: "Veal, veal again, and Vince Vaughn."
Jules: "Nailed it!"
(Later)
Grayson: "How many did I really get right?"
Jules: "None, but you knew to lie and that's why we work!"

Bobby: "You see those guys over there? One of them just might be a Diet Dr. Pepper executive."
Travis: "Or just a doctor with the last name Pepper. I mean, the odds are about the same."

Tom (after the dove/frying pan collision): "Did someone have a pillow fight out here?...Whoa, there's a dead bird. And a real sad one right next to it."

Andy: "I know it sucks. But this is what happens when doves cry."

Travis: "My dad isn't just my dad. He's part of the Cul-de-Sac Crew. You meddle with one of them, the entire group responds. They're a collective consciousness, like the Children of the Corn."

Jules (after Grayson isn't appropriately sad about the dove dying): "If it was a person, would you still make jokes?"
Grayson: "Probably, because it meant they died sprinting into a frying pan."
Jules: "I bet that's how Bobby goes."

Bobby, while freaking out about the world, screws up his putt. "Will the Internet ever be safe again? Some experts say NO!" And I loved that all the next putt needed was a "DARFUR!" to get shaken. And later, "yeah baby! The world sucks but who cares!"

A perfect example of the difference between men in women in relationships:
Jules: "You get why murdering two animals would make me spiral right?"
Grayson: "I don't."
Jules: "Deep down, you're probably feeling just as sad as I am."
Grayson: "I'm not."
Jules: "You're gonna change someday."
Grayson: "I won't."

Grayson: "You know, I think you're a little emotional right now so I think the smart thing for us to do would be to just chill, not get into any deep conversations."
Jules: "Do you even think we're right for each other?"
Grayson: "Thanks for listening."

Grayson: "Put Big Carl down."
Jules: "No, he understands me!"

Kirsten: "Are we really at a dead lizard's funeral in your mom's yard?"
Travis: "You did this to us."

Grayson (to Jules): "You're an idiot. You're worried that we're not alike enough to be together. One of my favorite things about us is how different we are. It's the couples that are different that really work. I mean, look at these freaks (to Ellie and Andy). His favorite movie is "Die Hard." And she's a horrible person. I've been scared to say this, but all those ways that you're different from me...that's why I love you. I love you Jules."

And now, Laurie's crazy brilliant order at the coffee shop! You can tell they had so much fun with this one and Busy Phillips handles it wonderfully. (It's on Youtube, too, if you feel like watching it)
Laurie: "Oh hey Rache, now bear with me, I have to order for everyone. Okay, I'll have one Soy Largey, one teeny tiny, one teeny teeny tiny unleaded, one Plain Jane, extra yum, (what the hell make it a double yum), a Baby Joey, a Midnight with a Full Moon - hold the pumpkin, a medium coffee, I need a Heavy D in a travel mug please, two Crazy Ivans, a Sauron's Eye. Also I need a 'Damn!' and an iced 'Damn!', a Sneaky Pete, a double drip with a snip of whip, and a frap cap heavy on the (makes crushing sound). Oh, and let's see what's fresh...okay, well I'll take three raisin happy muffins, a French mustache, and, ick, a fart muffin - that is not for me. Oh, and I forgot to order my own coffee! Can I get a Taye Diggs, which is black and extra strong and smooth but also very sweet?" (Barista stands frozen in place) "Would it be easier if I just came back there and made it myself?"

ABC Wednesday - the many flavors of sitcoms (from awful to awesome)

"The Middle"
Cut above the average sitcom, but still no 'Modern Family'
I caught a few episodes of this at the end of the last season and was mildly amused by it. It's the attempt to make a sitcom about a lower middle class family struggling to make it in the Midwest. I do like the addition that it's set in Indiana (not just because that's where I'm currently located), because it's nice to have a show that isn't set in California, New York, or Texas. Other states do exist, and not just as comedic fodder when someone wants to set a show or movie in "the sticks." Setting it in the Midwest makes is more relatable. However, I wasn't very impressed by their premiere. I thought they had better episodes in their first season. There were a few things I enjoyed, like the metaphor about class level as having an "above-ground pool" life vs. an "in-ground pool" life. The biggest laugh moment for me was when the mother runs after her son's discarded backpack that was put in the dump truck, yelling "Stop, my son's best friend is in there!" I also liked the mother urging the kids to go outside and enjoy the summer, only to find them shooting arrows into their pool where she immediately yells at them to go back inside and watch TV.

I don't think this show is as non-stop hilarious as "Modern Family," but it's good for a chuckle or two. One of the downsides of it, though, is this show makes me never ever want to have children. The parents are stressed and exhausted trying to support three weirdo kids and it's like they were forced to take on this horrible burden and they're just barely getting by. Their daughter is incredibly annoying. I'm sure this is all more relatable if you are a parent with irritating yet endearing children and understand the "reward of parenthood." Also, I hate the overused "precocious child says humorous, worldly things" character, so I'm glad 2/3 of their children aren't like that. My last complaint is even more valid since I live in the Midwest and know how inaccurate this is - TV shows NEVER pay attention to when the sun is out and when it isn't. If your entire family gets up to have breakfast at 6:54 in the morning, the sun is not out and shining like it's noon! Yes, it's a tiny thing, but it annoys me to no end. It would even work in the storyline, if your kids are complaining about getting up early, and they could comment that the sun isn't even up yet so that day hasn't started, so why should they, etc. I guess I would feel differently if I worked on the lighting crew.

"Better With You"
More like 'Better Without You'
I keep having to correct myself - this is not the Kelsey Grammar sitcom "Back to You" and it's not the "Will & Grace" fictional soap "Along Came You." Unfortunately, after viewing the painfully mundane pilot, I'm still unlikely to remember which is which. I had faith that ABC might be able to fill that one last slot with one more quality comedy, but that was clearly asking too much. "Better With You" is exactly like every other standard sitcom in that you have a grating laugh track and obvious set-up/immediate punchline structure that aims for big laughs. I guess it's good someone is laughing, even if it's a fake laugh track. Some of the punchlines were slightly humorous and chuckle-inducing, but the intrusive anonymous boisterous laughter quickly killed any chortles.

This show had that frantic, nervous, mile-a-minute pace that lots of sitcoms have, like there are people offstage with guns ready to shoot any actor who doesn't COMMIT and deliver laughs. Or maybe they're going so fast so they can deliver rapidfire punchlines - when you can't deliver any solid jokes, just deliver multiple quick awful ones and maybe they'll add up to a real laugh! Great lines like "How do I look?" "Not fat!" go by quickly so you don't tend to linger on how painful they really are. You can move on to the next joke about Ben becoming "Uncle Ben." You know, like the rice? Har har har. It seemed like there were a lot of pop-culture jokes too, perhaps in an effort to be topical or relatable. On top of it all, the actors were incredibly bland sitcom people, hardly distinguishable from one another. Except for the fact that the blonde girl's voice sounded remarkably similar to Sarah Chalke's (aka Elliot Reed from "Scrubs.") Anyway, if you love sitcoms with tired jokes and you have a really short attention span, you'll love this show.

"Modern Family"
Back and Better Than Ever The highlight of the night. This show is so smart and perfectly crafted that it just makes you happy. More than just providing a chuckle here and there, it really does resonate (in addition to delivering laugh after laugh). It has heart without becoming saccharine and gets big laughs without hitting you over the head with cheesy punchlines. After watching something like "Better With You" where I felt like I lost brain cells just listening to it, "Modern Family" truly is a breath of fresh air. A recap of the plot would be mundane, so I'm going to just list the best moments.

• Claire telling Phil to get rid of their old car. Claire: "We're not giving it to Hayley. It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back." Phil: "Remember?" (Perfect comic timing here)


• Phil: "You can insult a lot of things about me...but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!"
  
  
• Cam: "Every home-improvement project we've undertaken has been a near-death experience." "If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person."


• Phil's mnemonic devices to remember names. "He looked like that drummer from Foreigner, a foreigner is from France, which rhymes with ants, ants ruin a picnic, which rhymes with - 'hi, Nick!'"


• Claire feeling nostalgic. "Look at them - a minute ago they were babies, and now they're driving, and soon we'll all be dead.


• Jay remembering building bookshelves with Mitchell. "That was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam."


• Luke finding a picture of his Mom at the Rose Bowl parade. "Mom you looked really pretty. So what happened?"..."I mean, what happened in the game?"


• Mitchell saying "in cahoots."


• Sofia Vergara's accent. Other shows would rely solely on that to make her funny, but she's talented as a comedian anyway. But her accent still makes her lines that much funnier.


• The Dunphy family catastrophe in the car. That was so well executed. The chaos of that scene was fantastic, my favorite being Hayley continuously stepping on Phil's seatbelt, choking him. "What's the plan Phil?!" "At least I'm trying to do something!"
  
  
• Manny and his dating. "We like to play Six Degrees of Sir Francis Bacon."


• Phil selling the car in the end, explaining how you sell by leaving out key points. "They don't make them like this anymore...for legal reasons!"


• The bird flying into the princess castle with Mitchell trapped inside. Hilarious reference to last season.
  

"Cougar Town"
The overlooked gem of a relationship sitcom (that refuses to ditch the misleading name)
Seeing the title card come up with "(Still) Cougar Town" was a perfect way to start the episode. Yeah, it's keeping the crummy title, but it's still the same show underneath. If you're lucky enough to get past that, you're rewarded with a great end to the night. I didn't really like the stunt casting of Jennifer Aniston, because it was just to get "Friends" fans in there, but she was alright. I just hate stunt casting that leaves fans of the actor loving it but regular fans of the show wondering why the show is acting out of character. But the rest of the episode was great, and I'll go ahead and list the great moments here too.

• (Still) Cougar Town. That was a great, small way to address the title issue.


• Travis asking the adults about their new game. "How is that a drinking game?" "Because we drink while we do it!"


• "Adios alkies."


• "Graysonship."


• Dan Byrd in general as Travis. They keep talking about him leaving for college but I hope so badly he isn't actually leaving the show. He's amazing here and a great contrast for all the wine-drinking, sexed up adults.


• "Esteves Festeves." "I'm thinking about re-inventing myself in college." There were a few too many 80s references from Travis. Not that many people that age are as obsessed with the 80s as, say, I am, so it's obviously the writers wanting to reference their childhood. It just gets inserted into the show a little awkwardly by having characters make references that are way too old for them. Not that I mind it too much.


• Aniston asking about Jules' boyfriend. "Didn't he try to choke you? I must be confusing him with another patient." Am I crazy, or was that totally a "Grey's Anatomy" reference?


• The movie game. Fantastic.


• Laurie talking to Travis about college. Laurie: "Please tell me by 'all-nighters' you mean partying and not studying." "Can't it be both?"


• He didn't get much time this episode, but I still love Bobby. He could get one line and it would still be hilarious.


• Grayson in the tree. "You're really bald from up here!" to Andy.


• Laurie and Ellie. "Imaginary hat." [mimes tipping a hat] "Imaginary opera gloves. [mimes putting on gloves] What is this, what are we doing?"


• The incense smoke in the later scene with Aniston.


• Big Joe. Why do they even bother pouring the wine into glasses anymore?


• The giant Dog Travis is still a great sight gag.


• Bobby's David Caruso.


• "Al Gore does a powerpoint presentation on Madonna's naked body." "An Inconvenient Truth or Dare!"


• Aniston's anger exercises. "My anger is a puddle and I step out of it."