My Halloween Movie Viewing Guide

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday. It's kind of a bummer that it's on Sunday this year, but really, the whole weekend can be used to celebrate. It's one holiday you can enjoy at all ages. So in the spirit of the season, I made a viewing guide complete with my recommendations on Halloween films. I categorized them neatly in case you're planning a marathon or viewing party, or just have a certain creepy love of horror movies featuring serial killers. Many of these movies could overlap in multiple categories, but I'm going to list each one once in the category it fits with the best. Also warning: possible spoilers. (If I leave off any vital movies, do tell, since I'm limited to the movies I've actually seen.)

What to watch if you're in the mood for...

...a zombie apocalypse

• "Dawn of the Dead" - original or the remake is fine. If you love zombies, you can't go wrong with George Romero.
  
• "Night of the Living Dead" - Same applies here. But this one has an extra helping of creepy because it's black and white from 1968. And it has one of the best creepy scenes ever in the beginning..."they're coming to get you Barbara!"
• "28 Days Later" - Probably the most truly scary modern zombie movie. And yes, I am counting it as a zombie movie. It's a smart, excellent film that puts a spin on the classic zombie flicks by isolating you and making you fear even the places you thought were safe. ("28 Weeks Later" is optional. While scary, it's much stupider than the first movie. And it follows the disaster movie formula of Saving the Important Children.)
  
• "Resident Evil" movies - lots of eye candy and ass kicking here. I don't care what you're into, Milla Jovovich is smoking hot and these movies are pure guilty pleasure.
  
• "Planet Terror"- Robert Rodriguez's contribution to "Grindhouse." Unlike 98% of "Death Proof," this one is actually enjoyable even if you don't know much about the good ol' days of grindhouses. Pure B-movie through and through, this isn't one for the faint of heart. The ick factor is high. (Bonus points if you can find the fake trailers, especially for "Don't.")

....creepy children

• "The Ring" - the one movie that scares the living daylights out of me. While it has moments that make you jump, they're not cheap thrills like you find in "Paranormal Activity" where a door slams and twenty sorority girls in the theater wet their pants. This movie has disturbing images, a disturbing premise, a disturbing evil child, and a disturbing ending. If you want the full effect, watch this at night with all the lights out. If you watch it with someone else and you want to be an asshole, turn their TV back on in the middle of the night playing nothing but static.
• "The Shining" - a great horror movie that deserves its status as a classic and holds up well today. The lack of gore means less camp when viewed years later as well as a more eerie feel to the events. I don't know what they used for fake blood in the old days, but it was too light red and looked like tomato soup. It's hard to take Romero's old movies seriously when zombies tear off flesh like its rubber and Monty Python-esque blood comes spurting out. But "The Shining" avoids this mostly and instead goes for the cerebral scares. And you're left in the end still wondering as the plot isn't neatly explained and wrapped up for you...which makes this film that much scarier. And even though the Blood in the Elevator sequence is pointless, it looks insanely awesome. Emphasis on 'insane,' of course. (Bonus points for finding "The Simpsons" parody called "The Shinning," which I contend is their best Treehouse of Horror parody.)
• "The Exorcist" - still shocking, although you'll get the most scares out of this one if you're deeply religious.
  
• "The Omen" - The creepy child to end all other creepy children. This is another one that combines lots of basic fears into one great movie. Best viewed by new parents. Make sure the babysitter stays away from the roof. "It's all for you, Damien!"
  
• "Poltergeist" - okay, I've never seen this one. But it's considered a classic so I thought I'd include it. I didn't want to leave off a famous horror film just because I haven't been able to see it yet.
• "Children of the Corn" - it combines the creepiness of the country with the creepiness of children. Genius.

...the lighter side of horror

• "Shaun of the Dead" - One of the best movies ever made, and certainly the best horror comedy. Bonus points if you can spot all the references to classic zombie/horror movies.
• "Slither" - it's a horror comedy that's horrifying and comedic. It has some great gross-out scenes and a perfect cast. It's B-movie perfection. Kind of like "Planet Terror" is the serious B-movie homage, this one is the tongue-in-cheek B-movie homage.
• "Scream" - a must-see for any horror movie fan. It plays with the genre conventions and it's an utter delight. Plus, you get Skeet Ulrich looking like a young, more expressive version of Johnny Depp. And it has one of my favorite lines in a horror comedy: "Movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative!"
  
• "Scary Movie" - yes, it's crude and silly. But it's also a great parody of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and "Scream." The sequels are unnecessary - the first movie is the best. And it has one of my next favorite lines, which parodies the aforementioned "Scream" quote: "Watching TV shows doesn't create psycho killers! Canceling TV shows does!"
  
• "Zombieland" - not as smart as "Shaun," the characters make some really stupid decisions, and it gets a little too serious in the end, but it's still a good ZomCom. Woody Harrelson is so much fun in this I wish they had never gone to the dark place they go to with him, but then you get the Bill Murray cameo and it sorta makes up for it.
  
• "Ghostbusters" - speaking of Bill Murray, this one is a classic. If you've never seen it, get up right now and find it and watch it. You haven't lived if you haven't seen the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man attack New York. Plus, the prick EPA guy is the same prick reporter from the first two "Die Hard" movies. Pissing off John McClane and the Ghostbusters is so not a good idea.
  
• "Freddy vs. Jason" - the definition of a camp classic. Freddy Krueger fights Jason Voorhees. Oh, and if you're like me and you've given up on "The Event" but really liked Jason Ritter, he's in this movie. It's so ridiculous it's great.
  

...found footage type films (warning: may be made of crap)

• "The Blair Witch Project" - never seen this one, but I hear it's basically the next movie, just set in the forest, only instead of spending it in a bedroom with an annoying couple you spend it up someone's nose.
  
• "Paranormal Activity" - I've never watched such a boring excuse for a horror movie, but lots of other people seem to like this one so I'll include it. If you get it on DVD, you can fast forward through all the time they spend just sleeping or the girl spends just standing over the bed.
• "Cloverfield" - okay, not technically a horror movie, but it's sort of scary and if you like these types of movies, you're probably the kind of person who went to see this one too. But come to think of it, none of these movies have happy endings, so don't watch any of these if you have a problem with that. But then again, most everyone in these movies is so annoying anyway that you'll probably cheer when they meet their inevitable unfortunate end.
  

...serial killer and slasher flicks (warning: contains 80s and 90s time capsules)

• "Friday the 13th" - lots of kids get killed at a camp. Oh, and kikikikiki hahahahaha. That's my best approximation of the background music, but trust me, you know that sound. And there's a pre-"Footloose" Kevin Bacon looking very nice. Although this movie started me wondering why the guys wore tighter pants than the girls back then.
  
• "Halloween" - Jamie Lee Curtis gets stalked by a killer. Don't worry, she doesn't have sex, so you can guess what happens from here.
  
• "Prom Night" - Jamie Lee Curtis gets stalker by a different killer. And the music is amazing. The actual prom dance sequence is better than the rest of this movie.
• "Psycho" - the classic reason to avoid motels. And showers. Hitchcock is one of the masters of horror, but I'm more inclined to recommend his other great horror film...
• "The Birds" - ...as birds suddenly deciding to attack us is so simple it's brilliantly terrifying.
• "A Nightmare on Elm Street" - One, two, Freddy's coming for you...in your dreams. Campy for sure, but it's my favorite of all those 80s slasher flicks. The premise is more fun and the villain is more entertaining than Michael Meyers or Jason Voorhees.
  
• "I Know What You Did Last Summer" - I found this to be an exceedingly dull horror movie despite having the 90s cast of all time. Sarah Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr, and Ryan Phillippe star. I'm convinced the cast was the reason this movie made any money, but is you just love the 90s, you'll enjoy this time capsule of 90s stardom.
• "Urban Legend" - a lesser known, yet still entertaining little movie. Especially if you love classic urban legends as much as I do.
  
• The "Final Destination" movies - if you're exhausted with all the unstoppable superhuman villains of the previous slasher flicks, a "Final Destination" movie could be just the cure. The villain is Death, so you're not left scratching your head at how Michael Meyers won't die, and the characters get really creative death scenes, so you're not bored by campers getting simply impaled or stabbed one by one.
  

...lessons why you should avoid isolated country

• "Vacancy" - another reason to avoid motels. But instead of Norman Bates, you get sadistic hicks and a smarter-than-the-average-movie-couple plot. Nothing new here, but if it's on and you have an hour or so, it's worth it.
  
• "Jeepers Creepers" - utterly terrifying premise and the first half of this movie is fantastic. Everyone knows that feeling of isolation you get just driving on country highways and it uses this to great effect.
  
• "Wrong Turn" - don't get lost in the woods. Just don't. Because you know your car will break down, and your phone won't work, and there will be redneck cannibals, and the sun will set, and you'll have no one to blame but yourself for your stupidity for driving through isolated country!
  
• "The Descent" - don't go spelunking either unless the trail is charted by the officials. This movie, like "Jeepers Creepers," shows their monsters a lot towards the end, but the monsters are still scary as ever when attacking in the dark. Absolutely not for the claustrophobic moviegoer.
  
• "Cabin Fever" - once you're in the country, and you realize you can't stay at a motel, don't stay at a cabin either. Because those cabins are absolutely filthy. Forget about influenza and stray bodily fluids, they're filled to the brim with flesh-eating viruses. And stray 90s sitcom stars.

...something deliciously dirty

• "Rocky Horror Picture Show" - an absolutely insane movie that is definitely a group event. But if the whole interactive event isn't for you, it's still incredibly entertaining on your own.
  

...demons and devils

• "Rosemary's Baby" - the two scariest things about this movie are the dream sequence and Mia Farrow's haircut. There's still a great eeriness that permeates the film. Besides, it's another classic, so why not give it a try?
  
• "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" - Jennifer Carpenter is scary good in this one as a possessed girl. Part exorcist story, part courtroom drama, it's not your run-of-the-mill horror movie.
  
• "Constantine" - not as good as it could have been, but it's still pretty good if you're into religion-based horror. Not to mention that the visuals are fantastic for a movie about heaven and hell, angels and demons.
  
• "Devil" - Lol, just kidding. There's only one M. Night movie on this list worth watching and it ain't this one.
• "Suspiria" - yes, this is about witches and not demons/devils, but I didn't feel like giving it its own category. Besides, most old-school witch mythology is intertwined with the devil/demons endowing them with their powers. But to step back from my mini history lesson, Dario Argento's surreal movie is pretty disturbing, even if it does have 70s tomato soup blood.
  

...ghosts

• "The Haunting in Connecticut" - a more recent haunted house story, it's nothing mind-blowing but it's a solid addition to the genre.
  
• "The Others" - if you know the big twist going in, it's not nearly as entertaining, but if you don't, it'll be a blast. Nicole Kidman and her kids discover their house is haunted. The twist is unexpected and refreshing.
• "Ghost" - okay, not technically a Halloween movie per se, but it has ghosts in it so I'm counting it. It's funny, scary, and romantic. You'll never hear "Unchained Melody" ever again without bursting into tears. Or wanting to make some pottery.
• "Beetlejuice" - a Tim Burton classic, and one of only two Tim Burton movies I love. You're treated to very a young Geena Davis, Alec Baldwin, and Winona Ryder. It also has one of the best movie themes of all time.
  

...something nasty that probably qualifies as "torture porn"

• The "Saw" movies - the sequels are pure torture porn, but people forget that the first "Saw" was actually pretty good. Watch and add it to the list of reasons why you should appreciate your life.
• The "Hostel" movies - lots and lots of torture and sadism. Watch and add it to the list of reasons why you should avoid hostels.
  
• "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" - watch this one and add it to the list of reasons why you should avoid Texas.
  

...something for the intellectual horror fan

• "The Sixth Sense" - unlike "The Others," this one is still very entertaining even if you know the big twist. And really, who doesn't at this point?
• "Zodiac" - this is another one that isn't technically a Halloween movie, but it's about a serial killer who actually existed and it's got a great spooky atmosphere and a top-notch cast.
  
• "Seven" - like the previous movie, it's another David Fincher film, and it's darn good. Yes, it's not really horror, but a crime film. But who cares? It's scarier than a lot of other horror movies, especially the ones out these days. Torture porn is all about grossing you out and shocking your system, but movies like this one are well written, directed, and acted, and absolutely earn their scares. And trust me, there are scares.
  
• "Silence of the Lambs" - I think crime/horror movies are just fantastic. Why don't they make more of these?

...some horror-related TV instead (warning: also contains vampires. May or may not be authentic)

• "Being Human" - a vampire, a ghost, and a werewolf live together in England. It's not campy like you might expect, but rather a first rate dramedy that lives up to its dark premise.
• "Dexter" - it's a show about a serial killer! And I never turn up a chance to recommend this show to anyone I can.
  
• "Supernatural" - two brothers fighting monsters and the evil that lurks in the dark. The recent seasons are more mythology heavy, but tune in to great episodes in season one based on urban legends, like "Hook Man," "Bloody Mary," and "Asylum."
  
• "Blood Ties" - a short-lived vampire show on Lifetime that came a few years too early to catch on. But it's better than you might expect from Lifetime, and they still managed to cast a lead vampire hotter than Robert Pattinson.
  
• "True Blood" - I've never watched this one, but it's wildly popular and it has vampires. If you can get past the painful southern accents, it should be worth some of your time.
  
• "Vampire Diaries" - the CW show about vampires. More romantic teen drama, it's like a WB small town drama injected with all things supernatural. Also better than you'd expect from the network it airs on.
  
• "The Twilight Zone" - according the the SciFi channel, this is more of a New Years show, but some Rod Serling is perfect for Halloween night.
• "The Walking Dead" - the new AMC zombie show. The critics have gone gaga and the promotion has been ubiquitous, so why not give it a try? AMC is a network you can trust most of the time these days to provide quality programming.