"Rizzoli & Isles" - everything I can't stand about procedurals

For the most part, I really can't stand procedurals. I don't understand how people can watch multiple "CSI"s or "Law & Order"s or how Mariska Hargitay can keep getting nominated for Emmys for a role on a procedural. It's a reliable formula, repetitive yet comfortable. It's hard for a network to take a chance on something different, especially when procedurals are so lucrative. For every "Glee," there's a hundred more "Pushing Daisies" or "Eli Stones." A network doesn't care how critically acclaimed a show is if there are no ratings to back it up.

Every single piece of promotion for the new TNT show "Rizzoli & Isles" makes me want to rip my hair out it frustrates me so much. First of all, it sounds like a complete rip-off of "Bones." And about a million other shows. How unique! You're pairing up a tough street-smart cop with a brainy scientist? But that will never work! They're complete opposites! Oh wait, but this time they're both women! On the plus side, I guess that counts out the requisite sexual tension between the lead characters, unless TNT feels like going nuts and making the most cliched concept into something totally different.

The character cliches are what bother me the most. You have the standard opposites attract cliches piled onto female cliches. On television and in movies, the only way a woman is a cop is if she is a tomboy who grew up with lots of brothers, was a military brat, is a lesbian, or has daddy issues. A recent promo in "People" magazine features an ad campaign with pictures of the two women as children with a description of their respective personalities. Rizzoli, the cop, loved "beating her brothers at basketball and armwrestling" as a kid. She liked "shooting a BB gun" and says "When I grow up, I want to find bad guys and put them in jail." On the other side of the page, we have Isles, who loves "reading and solving puzzles." She's the booksmart one who sees the world in scientific terms. She's socially awkward, naturally, but damn good at her work.

Cue the show. I bet there will be plenty of banter about how bizarre they find each others' way of viewing the world. I bet the streetsmart cop will say something humorous about how the other uses way too much unnecessary technical jargon. I bet the booksmart scientist will roll her eyes or make a humorous comment about her need to explain every tiny thing to her partner. I bet the cop will be brash and sometimes too reckless for her own good. I bet the scientist will be the cool-headed one who reminds her partner to calm down and look at the facts.

It's probably pretty obvious that I won't be watching this show, which debuts tonight at 10:00. It embodies every stereotype and cliche regarding cops and women that I hate about procedurals. I'm so sick of the booksmart/streetsmart clash of personalities partnership concept. It's been a long time since that concept was fresh and funny. Unlikely partners? Maybe if this was 1970. (The show gets one tiny bonus point for casting Lee Thompson Young. The famous Jett Jackson needs a better gig on TV these days, especially after "FlashForward" killed him off in such an annoying way.)